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Wish Me Luck!

I have two job interviews today. Yesterday I received two phone calls within 20 minutes of each other setting me up with one phone interview and an in-person interview. Both of these positions I just applied for like last Thursday! Both postitions would also have me working at the University that I am graduating from. I would actually really love that. I would be able to be around the "college" environment. It pays shit, but it would be working for the state, and you can't really beat those benefits. I should probably be nervous, right? But I'm not really. I'm much better on the phone than I am in person because I don't have to worry about what my "body" is doing. So, I'll have that phone interview first, and it will be great practice for the live one a few hours later.

Do I really, really want this job? No, not really. I feel like I will be settling, and that doesn't make me happy. Especially since I've got Gabby to support, and she's going to need a college fund someday. This is kind of like back when I took some temporary work while off season from my regular job, and they offered to make me a permanent employee. But it wasn't very much money (however, if I had taken it, I would probably be making a lot of money right now...DAMN!), but I decided that I should go back to school and get my education taken care of. I left what I thought was a low paying job for something that I thought would make me more. So, what to do, what to do...take something that doesn't pay crap and wait for something "more"??? We'll see...let me see if I even get the job first!

I have seriously never felt as alone in my life as I did last night. And I shouldn't have because JC and I watched About a Boy, and I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I'm not an "island", and I have a lot of "back-up"...but then JC left, and I felt something I had never felt before...like the deepest, innermost, depression I have ever felt. I crawled into bed with my eyes wide open...because I thought I felt and saw something that I hadn't seen or felt before...It was more like a realization...there were no tears, no sense of even wanting to cry...just this deep down realization about how alone I really am in the long run...in the whole scheme of things...Or, let me change that...I have the best family in the world, so I know I'm not really alone. It was more like realizing that what and where I thought I took my "socialness", my "back-ups" from are fake. And I'm not happy. Just plain not happy. And something has to be remedied. I have some ideas on what, but not sure what to do.

Comments

Jessiedc28 said…
I have a whole bottle of Wellbutrin if you want it...
8:51 AM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
Yea, so I do I. That's not the problem.
8:53 AM
Anonymous said…
School's finishing....not sure what you want to do next....job interview pressure....people constantly asking you what your going to do next, and the unescapable feeling that everyone else has their shit together except you.
Just don't do what i did and wind up working half the year for the IRS.
Love ya,
Josh
10:46 AM
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