I have two job interviews today. Yesterday I received two phone calls within 20 minutes of each other setting me up with one phone interview and an in-person interview. Both of these positions I just applied for like last Thursday! Both postitions would also have me working at the University that I am graduating from. I would actually really love that. I would be able to be around the "college" environment. It pays shit, but it would be working for the state, and you can't really beat those benefits. I should probably be nervous, right? But I'm not really. I'm much better on the phone than I am in person because I don't have to worry about what my "body" is doing. So, I'll have that phone interview first, and it will be great practice for the live one a few hours later.
Do I really, really want this job? No, not really. I feel like I will be settling, and that doesn't make me happy. Especially since I've got Gabby to support, and she's going to need a college fund someday. This is kind of like back when I took some temporary work while off season from my regular job, and they offered to make me a permanent employee. But it wasn't very much money (however, if I had taken it, I would probably be making a lot of money right now...DAMN!), but I decided that I should go back to school and get my education taken care of. I left what I thought was a low paying job for something that I thought would make me more. So, what to do, what to do...take something that doesn't pay crap and wait for something "more"??? We'll see...let me see if I even get the job first!
I have seriously never felt as alone in my life as I did last night. And I shouldn't have because JC and I watched About a Boy, and I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I'm not an "island", and I have a lot of "back-up"...but then JC left, and I felt something I had never felt before...like the deepest, innermost, depression I have ever felt. I crawled into bed with my eyes wide open...because I thought I felt and saw something that I hadn't seen or felt before...It was more like a realization...there were no tears, no sense of even wanting to cry...just this deep down realization about how alone I really am in the long run...in the whole scheme of things...Or, let me change that...I have the best family in the world, so I know I'm not really alone. It was more like realizing that what and where I thought I took my "socialness", my "back-ups" from are fake. And I'm not happy. Just plain not happy. And something has to be remedied. I have some ideas on what, but not sure what to do.
Do I really, really want this job? No, not really. I feel like I will be settling, and that doesn't make me happy. Especially since I've got Gabby to support, and she's going to need a college fund someday. This is kind of like back when I took some temporary work while off season from my regular job, and they offered to make me a permanent employee. But it wasn't very much money (however, if I had taken it, I would probably be making a lot of money right now...DAMN!), but I decided that I should go back to school and get my education taken care of. I left what I thought was a low paying job for something that I thought would make me more. So, what to do, what to do...take something that doesn't pay crap and wait for something "more"??? We'll see...let me see if I even get the job first!
I have seriously never felt as alone in my life as I did last night. And I shouldn't have because JC and I watched About a Boy, and I was feeling pretty good about the fact that I'm not an "island", and I have a lot of "back-up"...but then JC left, and I felt something I had never felt before...like the deepest, innermost, depression I have ever felt. I crawled into bed with my eyes wide open...because I thought I felt and saw something that I hadn't seen or felt before...It was more like a realization...there were no tears, no sense of even wanting to cry...just this deep down realization about how alone I really am in the long run...in the whole scheme of things...Or, let me change that...I have the best family in the world, so I know I'm not really alone. It was more like realizing that what and where I thought I took my "socialness", my "back-ups" from are fake. And I'm not happy. Just plain not happy. And something has to be remedied. I have some ideas on what, but not sure what to do.
Comments
Just don't do what i did and wind up working half the year for the IRS.
Love ya,
Josh