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I woke up and had this thought...

...and it might go away later today, so I've got to get it down.

He is weak, and he has an extremely fragile ego. He wasn't able to handle a strong woman who really loved him for everything that he was. It wasn't the kind of love he was used to getting from 22 year old or younger, immature girls who would cater to that ego and weakness. I never thought I did and I didn't try to ever make him feel weak or like he wasn't worth a crap. If anything I thought I tried to pump him up, and I thought I always made him feel good about himself...But in the end probably my mere presence and my simple requests made him feel LOW about himself instead...because he just couldn't let himself be loved in a real kind of way...he couldn't handle that responsibility.

And if what Andrea says is true, if he really does love me and care about me so much, but just can't say that because he knows he can't live up to all the expectations that come with that, and he told me differently because he was too much of a coward or not mature enough to find the words to express the way he really feels, then maybe it is for the best. But I just don't get why he couldn't just let it be...I mean to me if two people love each other they should just be together...it's not like we had an abusive, hating, arguing relationship...so, then why is it so hard for him to just be with me, and if he does love me and care about me that much, why couldn't he just...why wouldn't he WANT to do anything he could to make it work??? But, of coure, Andrea would answer that by saying that that was the exact problem...he wanted to do anything he could to make it work...but wanting something and being able to follow through are two different things...and in the end since he wasn't willing to actually put forth the effort...he showed his weakness and his fragile ego, by just letting it go instead.

Comments

Jessiedc28 said…
Personally I think this is all a sign that he is young, irresponsible about love, and ultimately not for you. Not that you want to hear that but you need someone a little more emotionally reliable. Like Eric. You can have him for the weekend if you want.
9:09 AM
Jacq said…
Let it all out, girl.
9:41 AM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
I know that's the whole problem. Him being 23, and 5 years younger than me. That doesn't make it any easier. In fact it just leads to more what ifs...what if I was younger, or he were older...would it have worked out? I didn't care about the age difference...neither did he...supposedly.
10:20 AM
Jacq said…
Liz, I've dated guys much younger than that! But then again, I'm a bit older than you are! Guys do take much longer to mature, believe me.

My boyfriend Chuck is 40 and believe me, he has his immature moments!! LOTS of them! I sometimes feel as though I'm so set in my ways at 35, but there's always some room there, SOMEWHERE, to let him in fully. I've just been in SINGLE WOMAN MODE for so long! And the fact for both Chuck and I is that we both have so much baggage from our pasts. He has more than I do, however. That's what makes it SO HARD. I have a girlfriend who's like 9 years younger than I am, and she simply cannot understand why I can't just "let him in." She really hasn't been through much. You can't just open up the gates without doubts and fears. It's had to be baby steps for me. And I'm going to continue with that.

Baby steps, Liz, baby steps!!!
2:11 PM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
I have the hardest time letting any one. I usually don't. I just run away instead. I did that with JC, too. He would get so upset because I didn't believe him when he told me how he felt about me, and I would pick fights trying to push him away...but he always said he wasn't going to let me do it...until now I guess...
8:22 PM
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