Where to start?

I guess I'll start first with my tonsilectomy. So, I woke up from having my tonsils out in a lot of pain, I was screaming, and crying, and having a hard time. I don't remember a whole of it, but I guess the doctor said that I had a lot of scar tissue, and that my tonsils were one of the worst cases. She thought it would be better if I stayed in the hospital over night for pain management and to keep myself hydrated. It was kind of nice and quiet staying there though with everything else that has been going on. So, the next day I was discharged, and I've been at my parent's house ever since. I don't really want to go home, but I'll have to soon I guess. After the first 24 hours after surgery, the next dangerous point is between the 5th and 10th day when the scabs (GROSS!) start to fall off, and I'll have another risk of bleeding out. But, they gave me two stitches on both sides because of how much they had to cut away...so who knows, but I'll just have to be extra careful starting Tuesday.

Things aren't really going all that well with me. JC and I are no longer together. The reason that I didn't make that an "announcement" on here, and I kept it kind of secret is because my blog has once again been invaded. Over on my MySpace account I don't really care who reads it, or who's checking out my profile. I know there's a possibility of anyone on there doing it. But this blog has been my own thing that not a lot of people I know even know about. Most of the people that read this don't even know me in person. They only know me through here, which makes it a little easier to "pour" my heart out. So, I found out that JC's ex-girlfriend had been visiting my MySpace site quite a bit, but like I said, "WHATEVER"! If she felt the need to do that, then she felt the need to do it...but I know that she went through a lot of trouble to seek me out and find THIS site, and that she regularly reads this one. So, ever since I found that out, I feel like I'm writing for someone else's benefit, ya know? Because I'm conscious of the fact that someone else is reading this...the same way I was when my ex-boyfriend found this site. I don't really care...I've obviously put this out there where anyone in the world can read it, but now...now that things aren't so good, I've been hesitant to say anything all because I know she's reading this...and then I found out that the minute I took JC's pictures off of my MySpace account, she started text messaging him like crazy...but, ya know, if that's the kind of people he wants to surround himself with then I truly am better off without him. It's kind of a long complicated story as to why things are over...and there's really no clear cut reason, or one big thing that happened...Mi-Mi just keeps telling me how much better I am than him, and how I'm way out of his league anyway, and that may all be true, but it doesn't make it any easier. Maybe he does just need to stick with these really immature, young, dumb, girls that he usually is with...I think that my life, and just me in general was way too much for him to handle...I wish that he could have been a little more mature about everything, and I still wish that some of things that we both said to each other hadn't been said, and I'm not sure I'm really ready for this to be over, but the truth is that he couldn't handle me. He is 5 years younger than me, and so are most of his friends, and that's his current mentality, and it's really sad that he couldn't step up to the plate, or that he couldn't have been a few years older.

He also isn't around right now at a really horrible point when I might have needed him, and he's showing just how scared and immature he really is. Mi-Mi thinks that his ego is really hurt because he feels like such a low-life piece of shit because he can't and hasn't been able to live up to my standards and the kind of responsibilities and things like that that I have to deal with in my life, and that's probably true...The bottom line is that I just wish he was eloquent and mature enough to be able to actually talk and "speak" what it is that he really means...and not take the chicken shit way out of everything!