Skip to main content

I woke up and had this thought...

...and it might go away later today, so I've got to get it down.

He is weak, and he has an extremely fragile ego. He wasn't able to handle a strong woman who really loved him for everything that he was. It wasn't the kind of love he was used to getting from 22 year old or younger, immature girls who would cater to that ego and weakness. I never thought I did and I didn't try to ever make him feel weak or like he wasn't worth a crap. If anything I thought I tried to pump him up, and I thought I always made him feel good about himself...But in the end probably my mere presence and my simple requests made him feel LOW about himself instead...because he just couldn't let himself be loved in a real kind of way...he couldn't handle that responsibility.

And if what Andrea says is true, if he really does love me and care about me so much, but just can't say that because he knows he can't live up to all the expectations that come with that, and he told me differently because he was too much of a coward or not mature enough to find the words to express the way he really feels, then maybe it is for the best. But I just don't get why he couldn't just let it be...I mean to me if two people love each other they should just be together...it's not like we had an abusive, hating, arguing relationship...so, then why is it so hard for him to just be with me, and if he does love me and care about me that much, why couldn't he just...why wouldn't he WANT to do anything he could to make it work??? But, of coure, Andrea would answer that by saying that that was the exact problem...he wanted to do anything he could to make it work...but wanting something and being able to follow through are two different things...and in the end since he wasn't willing to actually put forth the effort...he showed his weakness and his fragile ego, by just letting it go instead.

Comments

Jessiedc28 said…
Personally I think this is all a sign that he is young, irresponsible about love, and ultimately not for you. Not that you want to hear that but you need someone a little more emotionally reliable. Like Eric. You can have him for the weekend if you want.
9:09 AM
Jacq said…
Let it all out, girl.
9:41 AM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
I know that's the whole problem. Him being 23, and 5 years younger than me. That doesn't make it any easier. In fact it just leads to more what ifs...what if I was younger, or he were older...would it have worked out? I didn't care about the age difference...neither did he...supposedly.
10:20 AM
Jacq said…
Liz, I've dated guys much younger than that! But then again, I'm a bit older than you are! Guys do take much longer to mature, believe me.

My boyfriend Chuck is 40 and believe me, he has his immature moments!! LOTS of them! I sometimes feel as though I'm so set in my ways at 35, but there's always some room there, SOMEWHERE, to let him in fully. I've just been in SINGLE WOMAN MODE for so long! And the fact for both Chuck and I is that we both have so much baggage from our pasts. He has more than I do, however. That's what makes it SO HARD. I have a girlfriend who's like 9 years younger than I am, and she simply cannot understand why I can't just "let him in." She really hasn't been through much. You can't just open up the gates without doubts and fears. It's had to be baby steps for me. And I'm going to continue with that.

Baby steps, Liz, baby steps!!!
2:11 PM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
I have the hardest time letting any one. I usually don't. I just run away instead. I did that with JC, too. He would get so upset because I didn't believe him when he told me how he felt about me, and I would pick fights trying to push him away...but he always said he wasn't going to let me do it...until now I guess...
8:22 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

All Iced In

In case anyone has been watching the weather for the whole country...you will know that here in sunny San Antonio, we have been having some very out of the ordinary weather. We got iced in for the last two days. Not snowed in...It's all ice. Snow to the north, but all we got was freezing rain. I was cracking ice off my car with a wooden flip-flop keychain, seeing as how I don't own an ice chipper or whatever you call them, because this isn't usually a problem. Gabby got to have two ice days from school. I have spent the last almost 72 hours in my house, and I'm literally going crazy!!! I just had to get over to my mom's today so I could do something different for a change. The roads are much safter, but watch out for the ice flying off of cars! I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that a chunk of ice the size of a passenger side car window came hurling at me! It was kind of scary. Or the ice falling from the power lines...that's kind of scary, too. But, th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pretty Decent Weekend

I went out Friday night, and....I met someone. We really, really hit it off. I think some of you who know me really well would be shocked at how good looking he is. His name is Paul, he's 29, and he's only been in San Antonio for about a week. Anyway, we talked all night, I drank a little too much, and so did he, so the night didn't actually end that well because there was an argument between him and Andrea. I thought he was a little rude, and also maybe he would be scared off. But we were texting last night, and we're going to meet up next Friday. I really do think he should apologize to Andrea first though. Although, I'm so green with this dating thing...I almost think that's too much to ask when you're getting to know someone. I don't know, you tell me. Saturday I pretty much did nothing but recover. And then Sunday, Andrea, Gabby, and I went hiking. We did a Level 4 out of 5 trail for an hour and a half. I'm not sure how many miles it...
2 comments
Read more

Last one for tonight, I PROMISE!!!

It's official...I've finally decided what it is...I think the background for my posts is too dark. I don't like the way pictures show up on it...I love the whole ocean/beach theme thing because it really fits me, but I think I need something sunny, brighter...I love the picture with the mermaid because it's all bright and stuff, and so is the sidebar, but the dark, navy-ish blue just isn't doing it for me. I don't like the way my posts "look"...I think it reminds me too much of my teenage angst years, when at 14 or 15 I turned everything in my room into navy blue, and put up the darkest navy blue curtains...close enough to being black, it looked like I lived in a tomb, and I couldn't stand it after awhile...It actually contributed to my depression. That's why now, I don't even have curtains...I would much rather have the morning sun come blaring through my windows...That's what I need here...I've figured it out...
Post a Comment
Read more