Different Day, Different Story

Yesterday I didn't shed one tear...not one. In fact, in the morning I felt almost good. But I think I had my hopes up from that conversation I had with Andrea where she told me everything that JC had talked to her about the night before. By the afternoon, I talked to his roommate, Velma, and then I was in a huge depressive state, but still had no tears. Today...well, today is a different story. On the verge of tears, blurry vision because of tears, knots in my stomach, etc.

I had an appointment with my ENT this morning. She said everything is looking good. My dad thought she had said at the hospital that I was the worst case of the DAY, but today she told me that I was the case she had ever SEEN! And she would keep well in supply of pain medication whenever I needed it. I don't know if that's good for me. Andrea was looking up all the side effects and bad stuff about any Hydrocodone product online last night, and it's a little scary. Yea, I might be a little addicted. I have to admit that it helps me sleep through all of this, and that when I'm "high" I don't feel like crying. I'm calmer, and I think I'm using it as a crutch. So, the bad part of the appointment? She asked me if I was eating ok, and I burst into tears. Because the truth is I haven't really tried to eat anything. I haven't wanted to all because of JC. How can one person make you feel so bad? So, after she already felt bad for me because I was the worst tonsilectomy that she had performed, I've also had to deal with this other crap. My tonsils have been the least of my worries...

Yesterday I got an email from the ex-boyfriend who found this site and had been leaving comments. My first thought was to delete it, and not respond, and then I thought better of it. Maybe there is something to karma, and I could definitely use some relationship karma! So, I wrote him what I thought was a very nice, appropiate email in return. I meant everything I said, and I hope it helps him to feel better because I never meant to hurt him...probably the same way that JC never meant to hurt me...but this ex-boyfriend always told me that "what goes around, comes around"...and maybe it does. Maybe he prayed enough for JC and me not to work out...who knows...But in the end, regardless of my current situation, it made me feel better to maybe finally make peace with him...