Skip to main content
My dearest Gabby,

I watched you sleeping last night and you still look so much like you did when you were a baby when you sleep. Your soft little eyelids and eyelashes. The little pout on your lips. Your soft rounded cheeks. I clipped your fingernails last night after your bath, and realized that it had been a long time since I had looked at your hands. Something that I used to do relish in. Feeling your hands and being in complete amazement at how much they look like mine. I made you cry this morning because we didn't have time to stop and get muffins for breakfast. And it breaks my heart everytime you cry. And I know you don't know this because I don't let it show. Because I have become very cold, and I don't understand why. I wish I was that person again that loved to sit with you at 5 am and feed you baby cereal, while listening to Louis Armstrong and being completely content. Aren't we supposed to be better bonded the older you get. We just keep growing further apart. Not at any fault of yours, but because I've pulled away. I hope you know how much I love you. How much you've changed my life. I was in a very bad place before you were born, and you changed that. You made me a better person. I know you can't understand this because you probably want your dad and me to be together, but you made me a stronger person to be able to leave him.

I love everything about you. I love the little social butterfly that you are. So different from myself. I love how you call me Miss Miller when you're in trouble. I love how when we laugh together I can't tell which laugh is yours and which is mine because we sound the same. I love how you think it's so funny for me to chase you naked to make you take a bath. I love how your favorite word is poop, and you say it as much as you possibly can (even though it makes Grandma mad!). I love how you are so generous and will always give me the biggest bite of your cookie. I love how when I have a headache you say you'll take care of me and be my doctor. I just love you and everything you are and everything you do and everything you have done for me. I am a very very very lucky person to have you in my life.

Love, Mommy

Crap, this turned out to be so sappy!!! Just one of those mornings I guess! Why do I always feel a need to apologize when my "blogging" is serious with anger or sadness?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

All Iced In

In case anyone has been watching the weather for the whole country...you will know that here in sunny San Antonio, we have been having some very out of the ordinary weather. We got iced in for the last two days. Not snowed in...It's all ice. Snow to the north, but all we got was freezing rain. I was cracking ice off my car with a wooden flip-flop keychain, seeing as how I don't own an ice chipper or whatever you call them, because this isn't usually a problem. Gabby got to have two ice days from school. I have spent the last almost 72 hours in my house, and I'm literally going crazy!!! I just had to get over to my mom's today so I could do something different for a change. The roads are much safter, but watch out for the ice flying off of cars! I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that a chunk of ice the size of a passenger side car window came hurling at me! It was kind of scary. Or the ice falling from the power lines...that's kind of scary, too. But, th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pretty Decent Weekend

I went out Friday night, and....I met someone. We really, really hit it off. I think some of you who know me really well would be shocked at how good looking he is. His name is Paul, he's 29, and he's only been in San Antonio for about a week. Anyway, we talked all night, I drank a little too much, and so did he, so the night didn't actually end that well because there was an argument between him and Andrea. I thought he was a little rude, and also maybe he would be scared off. But we were texting last night, and we're going to meet up next Friday. I really do think he should apologize to Andrea first though. Although, I'm so green with this dating thing...I almost think that's too much to ask when you're getting to know someone. I don't know, you tell me. Saturday I pretty much did nothing but recover. And then Sunday, Andrea, Gabby, and I went hiking. We did a Level 4 out of 5 trail for an hour and a half. I'm not sure how many miles it...
2 comments
Read more

Last one for tonight, I PROMISE!!!

It's official...I've finally decided what it is...I think the background for my posts is too dark. I don't like the way pictures show up on it...I love the whole ocean/beach theme thing because it really fits me, but I think I need something sunny, brighter...I love the picture with the mermaid because it's all bright and stuff, and so is the sidebar, but the dark, navy-ish blue just isn't doing it for me. I don't like the way my posts "look"...I think it reminds me too much of my teenage angst years, when at 14 or 15 I turned everything in my room into navy blue, and put up the darkest navy blue curtains...close enough to being black, it looked like I lived in a tomb, and I couldn't stand it after awhile...It actually contributed to my depression. That's why now, I don't even have curtains...I would much rather have the morning sun come blaring through my windows...That's what I need here...I've figured it out...
Post a Comment
Read more