Dysfunction Suits Me

My Baby's Daddy

I'm not sure I've ever said anything before about Gabby's dad other than saying when she goes to his house for the weekends. I had an incident with him when picking Gabby up last night, and it just made me so mad. I really am stuck with this man for the rest of my life, aren't I? Or at least until Gabby is 18! Maybe that's why the thought of being with someone else, of letting go of my emotions, of marriage, of having more children scares me SHITLESS!!! I met this man when I was only 15 years old, was with him for nearly 8 years, and because of that I think he has shaped the person that I am much more than any other "boyfriend" type person would. This said 'shaping' is not positive either. I used to be really afraid of him, and I'm not anymore, and my reactions to his "behavior" has gotten much better, but he still gets to me like no one else! Gabby has such a good relationship with him that I find it hard to vent about him at all. I don't want to say anything that would influence her opinion of him. I hope she'll just find out on her own when she's older. But I wonder sometimes if that's why I'm such a horrible parent. I wonder if my feelings towards him influence the way that I behave towards my child.

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