(Guess where I'm blogging to your from??????? HOME!!!! YAY!!!!)
So, there's a part in Runaway Bride where Richard Gere's character asks Julia Roberts how she likes her eggs. His point is that she likes whatever it is that the "guy of the moment" likes. Haven't we all done this? Of course. I've done it a lot! I ate my eggs with chorizo almost everyday when I was with Gabby's dad. I ate my eggs with refried beans when I was in my next relationship with John. And I ate a shitload of pizza when I was with JC (And I'm not a big fan of the marinara!).
I've changed lots of things about myself when I have entered into any relationship, and by the time I get comfortable enough for the "real me" to start showing through, the guy's like, "Whoa! Where did this person come from?!" And that's when I find out that I have picked guys who love the batting of the eyelashes, the big smiles, the fake laughs at their stupid jokes, the asking dumb questions to make them feel smart, and the asking to carry things and open jobs to make them feel like men. I watched football with Gabby's dad, basketball with John, and, well, after pretending to like basketball for a little while with JC, I finally gave up and admitted that I would NOT have sports anywhere near me.
I have changed my point of view, I have lied, I have given into things I don't believe in...I once went through a phase with John that I pretended to be as religious as him, and it was all bullshit. And my disclaimer, in part, is that I'm a bit of a chameleon. I find it really easy to enter into a lot of different worlds and adapt to them. Pick up their lingo, their jokes, their lifestyles. And, yet, here I still am, not really fitting in anywhere...because I haven't been me. And the thing is, it's not like I need to find me. I know exactly who I am, what I like, what I believe...the problem is that the people I date don't. There are four basic things that every guy...or any person that meets me knows for sure...
1. I am terrified of frogs.
2. I really like bagels/cream cheese and coffee.
3. I love the sun.
4. I'd rather be barefoot or in flip flops rather than anything else.
So, while when I first wanted to start this blog, I thought it might be about me finding out "how I like my eggs", really it's about the things I wish people I dated knew about me. If someone had asked a very vague question like, "Tell me about Elizabeth" to Gabby's dad, John, or JC...what would they have said? The usual? She's really nice, she's smart, she's funny...these are the standard answers that any guy gives about any girl (there are more guys I've dated that would probably do the same, but these three guys were the people I was with the longest).
So, when I started this blog, it may have been to say, "These are all the things I wish the next man in my life would know about", the point is really that these are the things that I am. Because, like I said, I actually am one of the rare people who really does know themselves...and I want any person I meet from now on to know who I am...And I think I've been doing a good job of it...I have been uncannily like myself with one of my new co-workers...I told Alex the truth, "I'm not a mountain girl, I prefer the beach"...when before I would have told him I loved the mountains, too...I don't want to be a chameleon...I want to just wear the green suit...
1. I'm terrified of frogs.
2. I love Everything bagels with honey walnut cream cheese...and coffee...I must have the coffee and a cigarette to start my day out right.
3. I love the sun. More than a lot of things in the world, and I could bask in it for hours.
4. I would rather be barefoot...but if I can't, then I would rather wear flip flops rather than anything else...I like my feet to be free...even if they're freezing or I'm stepping on rocks.
5. I've always wanted a star named after me.
6. I smoke. Ok, not such a mystery, but I have lied to some guys before because I knew they didn't like it. And the big thing is that I LIKE to smoke. I won't be quitting any time soon, because the truth is that I like it.
7. I love avocados.
8. I have conversations with myself...in my head...almost 24/7.
9. I like making fun of people, and sometimes can be a little too mean, but it's always in fun.
10. I'm pretty grumpy. It's just my nature, but I like to think that it's always in a fun way.
11. I say "fuck" A LOT!
12. I am VERY selfish.
13. BUT...I can be very generous, too.
14. I love to laugh, like most people, but it's actually really hard to make me have side splitting laughter...what usually does it is something so silly...
15. I love reality TV, and I don't care who knows it. I am a snob about my reality TV, though, and won't watch just any old show.
16. If I could go back a few years and start school again, I would have been a doctor.
17. I love butter. When I was little my mom used to find teeth marks in the butter, and scream, "HAVE YOU BEEN EATING THE BUTTER AGAIN!"
18. I don't believe in god. I do believe in god. I'm not an atheist. I'm just nothing. It's just simply something that doesn't affect my life, but in a debate I usually take the atheistic point of view. Plainly put, I don't comtemplate god, I don't usally wonder if there is a god, I do occassionally damn god, and I just don't worry about it. My time is here on this planet.
19. I want to be a good parent. I've always wanted to have that bond with my daughter were she feels ok to come to me about anything. I always said I wouldn't be like my mom. I wouldn't want my daughter to be afraid of me. But the truth is, I'm not a good parent. I am a lot like my own mother. I'm not sure I've ever really wanted to be a parent, but there was a time in my life when I needed it, I guess. And I wouldn't ask not to have her in a million years. The good thing though is that I'm working on it...parenting is a job, and to be good at it, you do have to practice. Any parent that says they love being with their children every moment of every day has some serious issues.
20. I'm very sensitive, but it would seem that I have grown a little bit of leather skin, and my spine has gotten stronger.
21. I'm quite emotional. These days it's a lot of anger, cynicism, and disdain, but I try to always keep that couples with a positive attitude.
22. I love to read, and I read very fast. I have been known to go through three or four books in a week, sometimes reading one or two at a time...Every time Jess sends me a new book, she either sends me a bunch at one time, or little notes that say, "This is an easy read, I know you'll finish it in a few hours."
23. While I love the beach, and the sand, and the water, and the sun...I just don't like "natural" water. I DO NOT like to go in creeks, rivers, lakes, or oceans.
24. I watch movies the way I read books. A lot at one time, and sometimes fast forwarding to the good parts.
25. I will admit that I am the annoying person holding the clicker (remote control)...I flip and flip and flip...
26. I still haven't grown into my hair. As a child, a person with red hair and freckles gets picked on non-stop, and then when you're out of high school, you find this weird phenomenon where all of a sudden men want you because you have red hair and freckles...where as just a few years before they were throwing rocks at you! It still makes me feel like the odd man out, and very self concious. I sat in many a classroom in college and realized I was the only red head in a sea of 60 or more heads.
27. I wear size 10 1/2 to 11 shoes. I have huge feet...probably a good idea when you have tree trunks for legs.
28. I used to be an artist. I would paint and paint and paint. I even took a class at the San Antonio Art Institute...but I gave it up...and it scares me a little to want to start again.
29. I have a mean streak.
30. I get hypoglycemic when I don't eat every 2 to 3 hours.
31. I have a birthmark on my upper thigh, that has faded with time, but when I was little my sister used to tell me that my mom spilled coffee on me, and it would make me cry.
32. My sister was mean to me when I was little. Big surprise. She told me I smelled all the time, called me Lizardbreath (Elizabeth), she threw a hairspray can at my head, she used to make me hide, and then woudn't come find me...but she was really nice to me, too, and we are best friends.
33. I have more male friends than girlfriends, and I wish I had more girlfriends.
34. I love macaroni and cheese, and even though occassionally I'll eat Velveeta Shells and Cheese...I really just love the orange powder macaroni from Kraft.
35. The choice for my last meal would be chips, salsa, cheese enchiladas, rice, beans, tortillas, and flan...with ice tea.
36. I love cake.
37. I love discussions and debates.
38. I also hate discussions and debates when I just feel like being silly.
39. I can be very silly...quite dorky...and I like it. I can amuse myself like nobody else.
40. I like to watch movies that make me cry and think. Movies that move me. Same with books.
41. I love history.
42. I really would have liked to be an anthropologist...or a forensic anthropologist.
43. I would have like to have been a primatologist. I LOVE monkeys.
44. I love the color black when I buy clothes. And not because I'm emo or goth or whatever. But because black always makes me think "HOT"...and hide the fat.
45. I love weight lifting, and when I'm just lying around or whatever I feel my muscles.
46. I am a sentimental fool. I have boxes where I keep things from past lovers, from past friends, etc.
47. The thing I'm most sentimental about is pictures. And if you know me, you'll know I'll make you look at them with me again and again and again. (All my pictures are gone, BTW, from getting my computer fixed.) :(
48. I love fish! Well, really I love all that cheesy island shit. Fish, turtles, surfboards, mermaids, etc.
49. I love tattoos...and if I wasn't raised in such a conservative home, I'd probably have a mermaid running from hip to thigh, and a whole aquarium on my back, but as it is I have one fish on my back, and a turtle on my ankle.
50. I'm a very loving person, but I can be hateful, too. I hold grudges...but mostly it's just my pride...I am selfish with love...I want it all...but I'll give it back ten fold.
Well, that's who I am in a nutshell....It's what I know about me...and, no, I don't think a person can actually truely know themselves completely...afterall we still have our whole lives to live and find out more, but my point is...I'm not on a quest to find myself...I'm on a quest to better who I already am...and to finally just BE me.
....Oh, and I like tennis, and my eggs over hard.
So, there's a part in Runaway Bride where Richard Gere's character asks Julia Roberts how she likes her eggs. His point is that she likes whatever it is that the "guy of the moment" likes. Haven't we all done this? Of course. I've done it a lot! I ate my eggs with chorizo almost everyday when I was with Gabby's dad. I ate my eggs with refried beans when I was in my next relationship with John. And I ate a shitload of pizza when I was with JC (And I'm not a big fan of the marinara!).
I've changed lots of things about myself when I have entered into any relationship, and by the time I get comfortable enough for the "real me" to start showing through, the guy's like, "Whoa! Where did this person come from?!" And that's when I find out that I have picked guys who love the batting of the eyelashes, the big smiles, the fake laughs at their stupid jokes, the asking dumb questions to make them feel smart, and the asking to carry things and open jobs to make them feel like men. I watched football with Gabby's dad, basketball with John, and, well, after pretending to like basketball for a little while with JC, I finally gave up and admitted that I would NOT have sports anywhere near me.
I have changed my point of view, I have lied, I have given into things I don't believe in...I once went through a phase with John that I pretended to be as religious as him, and it was all bullshit. And my disclaimer, in part, is that I'm a bit of a chameleon. I find it really easy to enter into a lot of different worlds and adapt to them. Pick up their lingo, their jokes, their lifestyles. And, yet, here I still am, not really fitting in anywhere...because I haven't been me. And the thing is, it's not like I need to find me. I know exactly who I am, what I like, what I believe...the problem is that the people I date don't. There are four basic things that every guy...or any person that meets me knows for sure...
1. I am terrified of frogs.
2. I really like bagels/cream cheese and coffee.
3. I love the sun.
4. I'd rather be barefoot or in flip flops rather than anything else.
So, while when I first wanted to start this blog, I thought it might be about me finding out "how I like my eggs", really it's about the things I wish people I dated knew about me. If someone had asked a very vague question like, "Tell me about Elizabeth" to Gabby's dad, John, or JC...what would they have said? The usual? She's really nice, she's smart, she's funny...these are the standard answers that any guy gives about any girl (there are more guys I've dated that would probably do the same, but these three guys were the people I was with the longest).
So, when I started this blog, it may have been to say, "These are all the things I wish the next man in my life would know about", the point is really that these are the things that I am. Because, like I said, I actually am one of the rare people who really does know themselves...and I want any person I meet from now on to know who I am...And I think I've been doing a good job of it...I have been uncannily like myself with one of my new co-workers...I told Alex the truth, "I'm not a mountain girl, I prefer the beach"...when before I would have told him I loved the mountains, too...I don't want to be a chameleon...I want to just wear the green suit...
1. I'm terrified of frogs.
2. I love Everything bagels with honey walnut cream cheese...and coffee...I must have the coffee and a cigarette to start my day out right.
3. I love the sun. More than a lot of things in the world, and I could bask in it for hours.
4. I would rather be barefoot...but if I can't, then I would rather wear flip flops rather than anything else...I like my feet to be free...even if they're freezing or I'm stepping on rocks.
5. I've always wanted a star named after me.
6. I smoke. Ok, not such a mystery, but I have lied to some guys before because I knew they didn't like it. And the big thing is that I LIKE to smoke. I won't be quitting any time soon, because the truth is that I like it.
7. I love avocados.
8. I have conversations with myself...in my head...almost 24/7.
9. I like making fun of people, and sometimes can be a little too mean, but it's always in fun.
10. I'm pretty grumpy. It's just my nature, but I like to think that it's always in a fun way.
11. I say "fuck" A LOT!
12. I am VERY selfish.
13. BUT...I can be very generous, too.
14. I love to laugh, like most people, but it's actually really hard to make me have side splitting laughter...what usually does it is something so silly...
15. I love reality TV, and I don't care who knows it. I am a snob about my reality TV, though, and won't watch just any old show.
16. If I could go back a few years and start school again, I would have been a doctor.
17. I love butter. When I was little my mom used to find teeth marks in the butter, and scream, "HAVE YOU BEEN EATING THE BUTTER AGAIN!"
18. I don't believe in god. I do believe in god. I'm not an atheist. I'm just nothing. It's just simply something that doesn't affect my life, but in a debate I usually take the atheistic point of view. Plainly put, I don't comtemplate god, I don't usally wonder if there is a god, I do occassionally damn god, and I just don't worry about it. My time is here on this planet.
19. I want to be a good parent. I've always wanted to have that bond with my daughter were she feels ok to come to me about anything. I always said I wouldn't be like my mom. I wouldn't want my daughter to be afraid of me. But the truth is, I'm not a good parent. I am a lot like my own mother. I'm not sure I've ever really wanted to be a parent, but there was a time in my life when I needed it, I guess. And I wouldn't ask not to have her in a million years. The good thing though is that I'm working on it...parenting is a job, and to be good at it, you do have to practice. Any parent that says they love being with their children every moment of every day has some serious issues.
20. I'm very sensitive, but it would seem that I have grown a little bit of leather skin, and my spine has gotten stronger.
21. I'm quite emotional. These days it's a lot of anger, cynicism, and disdain, but I try to always keep that couples with a positive attitude.
22. I love to read, and I read very fast. I have been known to go through three or four books in a week, sometimes reading one or two at a time...Every time Jess sends me a new book, she either sends me a bunch at one time, or little notes that say, "This is an easy read, I know you'll finish it in a few hours."
23. While I love the beach, and the sand, and the water, and the sun...I just don't like "natural" water. I DO NOT like to go in creeks, rivers, lakes, or oceans.
24. I watch movies the way I read books. A lot at one time, and sometimes fast forwarding to the good parts.
25. I will admit that I am the annoying person holding the clicker (remote control)...I flip and flip and flip...
26. I still haven't grown into my hair. As a child, a person with red hair and freckles gets picked on non-stop, and then when you're out of high school, you find this weird phenomenon where all of a sudden men want you because you have red hair and freckles...where as just a few years before they were throwing rocks at you! It still makes me feel like the odd man out, and very self concious. I sat in many a classroom in college and realized I was the only red head in a sea of 60 or more heads.
27. I wear size 10 1/2 to 11 shoes. I have huge feet...probably a good idea when you have tree trunks for legs.
28. I used to be an artist. I would paint and paint and paint. I even took a class at the San Antonio Art Institute...but I gave it up...and it scares me a little to want to start again.
29. I have a mean streak.
30. I get hypoglycemic when I don't eat every 2 to 3 hours.
31. I have a birthmark on my upper thigh, that has faded with time, but when I was little my sister used to tell me that my mom spilled coffee on me, and it would make me cry.
32. My sister was mean to me when I was little. Big surprise. She told me I smelled all the time, called me Lizardbreath (Elizabeth), she threw a hairspray can at my head, she used to make me hide, and then woudn't come find me...but she was really nice to me, too, and we are best friends.
33. I have more male friends than girlfriends, and I wish I had more girlfriends.
34. I love macaroni and cheese, and even though occassionally I'll eat Velveeta Shells and Cheese...I really just love the orange powder macaroni from Kraft.
35. The choice for my last meal would be chips, salsa, cheese enchiladas, rice, beans, tortillas, and flan...with ice tea.
36. I love cake.
37. I love discussions and debates.
38. I also hate discussions and debates when I just feel like being silly.
39. I can be very silly...quite dorky...and I like it. I can amuse myself like nobody else.
40. I like to watch movies that make me cry and think. Movies that move me. Same with books.
41. I love history.
42. I really would have liked to be an anthropologist...or a forensic anthropologist.
43. I would have like to have been a primatologist. I LOVE monkeys.
44. I love the color black when I buy clothes. And not because I'm emo or goth or whatever. But because black always makes me think "HOT"...and hide the fat.
45. I love weight lifting, and when I'm just lying around or whatever I feel my muscles.
46. I am a sentimental fool. I have boxes where I keep things from past lovers, from past friends, etc.
47. The thing I'm most sentimental about is pictures. And if you know me, you'll know I'll make you look at them with me again and again and again. (All my pictures are gone, BTW, from getting my computer fixed.) :(
48. I love fish! Well, really I love all that cheesy island shit. Fish, turtles, surfboards, mermaids, etc.
49. I love tattoos...and if I wasn't raised in such a conservative home, I'd probably have a mermaid running from hip to thigh, and a whole aquarium on my back, but as it is I have one fish on my back, and a turtle on my ankle.
50. I'm a very loving person, but I can be hateful, too. I hold grudges...but mostly it's just my pride...I am selfish with love...I want it all...but I'll give it back ten fold.
Well, that's who I am in a nutshell....It's what I know about me...and, no, I don't think a person can actually truely know themselves completely...afterall we still have our whole lives to live and find out more, but my point is...I'm not on a quest to find myself...I'm on a quest to better who I already am...and to finally just BE me.
....Oh, and I like tennis, and my eggs over hard.
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