Wasn't there a time that I really enjoyed going to classes? I think there was...I vaguely remember being in love with going to school. I still like sitting in class...I think...um, so why then do I keep skipping class, and why am I so far behind? I've had a couple of people tell me before that it must be nice to be able to go to school (because I don't work hardly at all in the Fall). Well, it's not people. It sucks! I wish sometimes that I could work at a regular job, and then come home and do all the things that normal working people do...sit around, watch TV, maybe actually enjoy going out to dinner or shopping, or something. But no...I have this thing called homework and projects constantly looming over my head, that I have to bring home with me. It's never ending. I don't even enjoy reading for fun anymore because I have so much reading to do for school. After 4 years of going to school non-stop I'm completely burned out. And yet, I think I'm somehow trying to subconciously sabotage myself because the idea of actually graduating scares the living poop out of me! Because even though going to work and coming home and haing "nothing else" to do sounds great...I don't want a "regular" job. It's just not for me. I'm just having the hardest time right now. I'm tired all the time. There doesn't seem to be enough time to sleep...EVER! I'm realizing that my ADHD is pretty bad. I can't concentrate on anything, and my daydreaming has gotten progressively worse over the years. I have the hardest time completing sentences when I'm talking to someone, or paying attention to what other people are saying. The fact that some of my friends that have graduated aren't really finding the kinds of jobs they want isn't helping me out either. I'm beginning to think that while getting a degree might help, it might not be all it's cracked up to be. Not unless you've gotten a very specialized degree.
I had planned on going back to school in the spring to get my Master's certificate in GIS, which would also put 15 credits towards me getting my Master's, but I just don't know. 1. It's not really what I want to do anymore, 2. I'm sick of freakin' school! However, I will be ordering all the stuff I need to get my first certification as a personal trainer when I get my income tax return. It's really expensive. After you order all the stuff to study with, you still have to pay for the test, which is $500...just to take the test!
I know that I just picked the wrong major. I didn't know what I wanted to "be" when I went back to school. So, I got involved with all of the anthropology and geography stuff, which, don't get me wrong, I love, but it's more like a hobby or interest I think. All the classes are the same. Believe me, in every anthropology or geography class you need to know only a few things to get you by...neanderthals and homo sapiens coexisted for a while, maize (or corn) is what set up the civilized world, politics and economics around the world suck, and there's nothing you can do to change anything. Oh, and you have to learn to spell Australapithecus (hmmm...not sure I've mastered that one!). I really should have gone for a Bachelors' in Science of some sort. I just didn't know that I was a more "logical" person when I went back to school. I didn't know how much stuff like biology and chemistry, especially of the human body, interested me. My physical geography classes are always the ones I'm more interested in...volcanos, meteorology, astronomy...hurricanes, etc. I mean I do love all the cultural stuff that I study, but it's just not something I want to "do". I feel really stuck right now, lost, and like I've wasted so much time!
Hmmm...Lost...That's a great way to describe the way I feel right now. Lost and confused...mostly lost.
It probably doesn't help that I've had a migraine from hell for the last two weeks. JC keeps telling me to go see a doctor, but I already know what the problem is. A doctor would just send me back to physical therapy for my should, and I just can't afford to pay $20, three times a week, for the next 6 weeks.
I guess I should probably be talking about the hurrican or something right now instead of my own little miserable existence since everyone and their brother is being evacuated to my city, but I have some harsh opinions on that kind of stuff that people don't usually like to hear. The loss of life, and homes, and stuff is really sad, don't get me wrong. But you can't control nature, people. Humans think they can. We've gotten ourselves way too much into a "god complex". If you live near natural disaster areas...what did you expect? Believe me, the hurricanes are only going to get worse because you just had to drive that SUV around even though you don't even have kids! It's good though that the country is at least taking some precautions this time. I think I heard this morning that 4.7 million people were evacuated from Houston. I'm sure that's right because I drove in the traffic yesterday.
Yesterday was one of the first days I haven't seen JC. It feels weird, and I don't like it. I'm not seeing him as usual this afternoon either. I have too much to do, and I'll see him later tonight. Everyone is coming to my house for the newly decided on "House Party Friday". I miss his sweet face!
I went to the gym twice this week. I'm dying in pain. I can't walk, so I can't go today. I need to spend some time stretching and stuff...or doing homework, but sorry, my bed is calling me for a nap before class...
I had planned on going back to school in the spring to get my Master's certificate in GIS, which would also put 15 credits towards me getting my Master's, but I just don't know. 1. It's not really what I want to do anymore, 2. I'm sick of freakin' school! However, I will be ordering all the stuff I need to get my first certification as a personal trainer when I get my income tax return. It's really expensive. After you order all the stuff to study with, you still have to pay for the test, which is $500...just to take the test!
I know that I just picked the wrong major. I didn't know what I wanted to "be" when I went back to school. So, I got involved with all of the anthropology and geography stuff, which, don't get me wrong, I love, but it's more like a hobby or interest I think. All the classes are the same. Believe me, in every anthropology or geography class you need to know only a few things to get you by...neanderthals and homo sapiens coexisted for a while, maize (or corn) is what set up the civilized world, politics and economics around the world suck, and there's nothing you can do to change anything. Oh, and you have to learn to spell Australapithecus (hmmm...not sure I've mastered that one!). I really should have gone for a Bachelors' in Science of some sort. I just didn't know that I was a more "logical" person when I went back to school. I didn't know how much stuff like biology and chemistry, especially of the human body, interested me. My physical geography classes are always the ones I'm more interested in...volcanos, meteorology, astronomy...hurricanes, etc. I mean I do love all the cultural stuff that I study, but it's just not something I want to "do". I feel really stuck right now, lost, and like I've wasted so much time!
Hmmm...Lost...That's a great way to describe the way I feel right now. Lost and confused...mostly lost.
It probably doesn't help that I've had a migraine from hell for the last two weeks. JC keeps telling me to go see a doctor, but I already know what the problem is. A doctor would just send me back to physical therapy for my should, and I just can't afford to pay $20, three times a week, for the next 6 weeks.
I guess I should probably be talking about the hurrican or something right now instead of my own little miserable existence since everyone and their brother is being evacuated to my city, but I have some harsh opinions on that kind of stuff that people don't usually like to hear. The loss of life, and homes, and stuff is really sad, don't get me wrong. But you can't control nature, people. Humans think they can. We've gotten ourselves way too much into a "god complex". If you live near natural disaster areas...what did you expect? Believe me, the hurricanes are only going to get worse because you just had to drive that SUV around even though you don't even have kids! It's good though that the country is at least taking some precautions this time. I think I heard this morning that 4.7 million people were evacuated from Houston. I'm sure that's right because I drove in the traffic yesterday.
Yesterday was one of the first days I haven't seen JC. It feels weird, and I don't like it. I'm not seeing him as usual this afternoon either. I have too much to do, and I'll see him later tonight. Everyone is coming to my house for the newly decided on "House Party Friday". I miss his sweet face!
I went to the gym twice this week. I'm dying in pain. I can't walk, so I can't go today. I need to spend some time stretching and stuff...or doing homework, but sorry, my bed is calling me for a nap before class...
Comments