I am more stressed out right now in my life than I have ever been before! It's weird because I have had times in the recent past where I was a hell of lot busier, like a couple of semesters ago when I would get up at 5am, get Gabby and me ready for the day, leave the house by 6am, be at work by 645a, leave work at 315pm, go to the gym for an hour, and then go to school from 530 - 945pm, then I would have to drive to pick up Gabby from my parents, and finally get home and in bed by midnight, then get up and do it all over again in the morning. I did that 3 - 4 days a week, and yes it nearly killed me, and I was on the verge of tears quite often. Somehow, I feel even more stressed than I did then, and now that work ended the only thing I have to do is get up, take Gabby to school, and then I have classes between roughly noon and 2pm. Sounds like a sweet, unstressful schedule, eh?
Mi-Mi and I went to lunch the other day and she had a "talk" with me about the how I'm so stressed out right now, and how my whole relationship with J.C. seems to always be so "urgent". Her take is that before I was stressed, but it was my "routine". I was immune and used to that kind of stress, but now this summer I've changed things up and it's causing me to feel completely out of whack because it's "new stess". I think she's probably right, and just when I was getting used to my new "summer routine", now things are all switched up again. And things with J.C. seem even more urgent because technically we have one hour, three days a week to spend together, and every other weekend we get to see each other without Gabby, and then on Sundays he has the day off, so when Gabby's home, he can spend the day here. It actually works out to something like 40 hours every two weeks, and about 10 - 16 of those hours are spent sleeping. It really sucks. On top of that, he might be getting a second job, and I might need to pick up a part time job. It's stressing me out that I've finally found "the one", or the whatever you want to call it, and we don't have any time to spend together. I just keep telling myself that it's just for right now, and all this stuff we're doing is going to lead to us being able to spend everyday together. I should probably keep in mind, too, that the whole first 3 months of our relationship were spent with us being inseperable, and that helped immensely in us being able to build something really strong. Most people don't get as much time together as we did in the beginning. I will deal somehow.
I'm also stressed because I'm behind in school, and I'm stressed because I go to a school filled with Barbie dolls. I have seriously let myself go these last few months. I'm not happy with myself at all, and J.C. can tell me I'm beautiful all he wants, but if I'm not feeling all that hot, I can't believe him. San Antonio is supposed to be the 4th fattest city in the whole United States, but I'm pretty damn sure that any and all of the people that ARE skinny, go to my university. I was walking through the crowds and crowds of people yesterday, who will probably drop out in the next few weeks anyway, and wondering if half those girls really know what their real color of hair is anymore? Jessica has told me before that "beauty is pain", but I can't seriously imagine how in the hell all those girls walk around campus in stilletos all day. They must have really ugly, jacked up feet! And what exactly are the statistics these days on how many 18-year olds have boob jobs? It's ridiculous. I feel like a fat ass freak! I've been wearing my sunglasses to school, so it's really noticeable when people are staring at you because they don't think you're looking at them. I feel like I have three heads and maybe two butts (which probably isn't far from the truth). Or maybe they're just looking at the "old bitch" walking by. Who knows?, but I'm tired of being stared at!!! I feel like a freak.
My job is finally over, and I have about 4 hours in the mornings to spare, so next Tuesday I will be back in the gym, or you can send me hate comments all day about it! I'm looking forward to it, but in the mean time, I'm letting it stress me out. Mi-Mi is always giving me advice, and sometimes I question what her motives are, but the other day at lunch she was right when she said that I really need to learn to just do what I gotta do, and the end result will be what it will be, and it won't kill me, so I should just go with it. Her reference in the whole thing was about J.C., but I can see how it pertains to a lot of things.
Am I rambling this morning? Yea . . . pretty much . . . My body and my mind hate me right now!
Mi-Mi and I went to lunch the other day and she had a "talk" with me about the how I'm so stressed out right now, and how my whole relationship with J.C. seems to always be so "urgent". Her take is that before I was stressed, but it was my "routine". I was immune and used to that kind of stress, but now this summer I've changed things up and it's causing me to feel completely out of whack because it's "new stess". I think she's probably right, and just when I was getting used to my new "summer routine", now things are all switched up again. And things with J.C. seem even more urgent because technically we have one hour, three days a week to spend together, and every other weekend we get to see each other without Gabby, and then on Sundays he has the day off, so when Gabby's home, he can spend the day here. It actually works out to something like 40 hours every two weeks, and about 10 - 16 of those hours are spent sleeping. It really sucks. On top of that, he might be getting a second job, and I might need to pick up a part time job. It's stressing me out that I've finally found "the one", or the whatever you want to call it, and we don't have any time to spend together. I just keep telling myself that it's just for right now, and all this stuff we're doing is going to lead to us being able to spend everyday together. I should probably keep in mind, too, that the whole first 3 months of our relationship were spent with us being inseperable, and that helped immensely in us being able to build something really strong. Most people don't get as much time together as we did in the beginning. I will deal somehow.
I'm also stressed because I'm behind in school, and I'm stressed because I go to a school filled with Barbie dolls. I have seriously let myself go these last few months. I'm not happy with myself at all, and J.C. can tell me I'm beautiful all he wants, but if I'm not feeling all that hot, I can't believe him. San Antonio is supposed to be the 4th fattest city in the whole United States, but I'm pretty damn sure that any and all of the people that ARE skinny, go to my university. I was walking through the crowds and crowds of people yesterday, who will probably drop out in the next few weeks anyway, and wondering if half those girls really know what their real color of hair is anymore? Jessica has told me before that "beauty is pain", but I can't seriously imagine how in the hell all those girls walk around campus in stilletos all day. They must have really ugly, jacked up feet! And what exactly are the statistics these days on how many 18-year olds have boob jobs? It's ridiculous. I feel like a fat ass freak! I've been wearing my sunglasses to school, so it's really noticeable when people are staring at you because they don't think you're looking at them. I feel like I have three heads and maybe two butts (which probably isn't far from the truth). Or maybe they're just looking at the "old bitch" walking by. Who knows?, but I'm tired of being stared at!!! I feel like a freak.
My job is finally over, and I have about 4 hours in the mornings to spare, so next Tuesday I will be back in the gym, or you can send me hate comments all day about it! I'm looking forward to it, but in the mean time, I'm letting it stress me out. Mi-Mi is always giving me advice, and sometimes I question what her motives are, but the other day at lunch she was right when she said that I really need to learn to just do what I gotta do, and the end result will be what it will be, and it won't kill me, so I should just go with it. Her reference in the whole thing was about J.C., but I can see how it pertains to a lot of things.
Am I rambling this morning? Yea . . . pretty much . . . My body and my mind hate me right now!
Comments
As one of the people who used to just "Stare" at you, I can tell you that its not because your fat or because you have three heads, but REALLY and HONESTLY because you have a very striking beauty about you. Your hair, your skin, your face your body, EVERYTHING, not to mention you have gigantic boobies. ITs very drawing and everyone wants to look. Even when I saw you when you came to town, all I wanted to do was stare. My husband and I both agreed that you are one sexy woman, and the sad thing is that you have NO IDEA! You are incredibly beautiful and sexy and you should feel proud of the way you are. If you don't like the few extra pounds you complain about, then you know how to work on that, but if it only bothers you because you think other people really care, DON'T DO A DAMN THING, cause we all LOVE it! I truly wish that you could see yourself the way that I and others do! You would want to stay home and touch yourself all day!
Love,
Min pin momma