Dysfunction Suits Me

This weekend was jammed pack with errands and stuff. I played the Sims3 for about 5 hours on Saturday, and other than that, I never really got to sit still. I took my car in on Saturday because it was shaking horribly whenever I got up 60mph. Ended up having to get 4 new tires and an alignment. Sunday, P-Dub and I went to Joshy's house and stole his couch. He's moving and gave me his old sectional. I LOVE it! P-Dub went to his dad's for dinner and I stayed home and nested. Cleaned, rearranged. Love it! Gabby had to stay at her dad's one more night since I didn't get my car back until today. P-Dub spent the night so he could take me to work. He played the Sims3 and I read my new book. It was so domestic and sweet. I knew I wasn't crazy when I took off Friday from work. I'm working way too hard. Because I have to. Really shouldn't say too much about my job here, so I'll just say that I've been doing too much...alone. And it's kil...

Yesterday I didn't spend as much time with Gabby as I had wanted, but I think we both had a good day anyway. I slept for about three hours in the afternoon and Gabby played with friends and just relaxed. It was a much needed, very good for us, mental health day. I dropped Gabby off at her dad's kind of early, and then came home to be lazy again. P-Dub showed up after the work and the gym and had dinner with Carolyn and Scott at Champ's...which turned into a much longer night than anticipated. Easy to do at Champ's since it's not just food. It was really nice, though. We sat outside and had a few beers. Lots of conversation. And, the live band was amazing. They were playing Ray Lamontagne!!! I couldn't believe it! I love him, and NO ONE plays that stuff in San Antonio. It was good hanging with my sis. I don't do that very much these days. Between work, Gabby, P-Dub, Andrea, and my unfocused, ADHD laziness I tend to get too caught up and not catch...

Today At 4pm yesterday, I decided I had had enough of work. I've been working my butt off. Staying late, doing over time on Saturdays, and busting my ass doing everything under the sun. So, I took today off!!! I had planned on taking Gabby to Karate and lounging the day away. But, who knew? That I would walk into Gabby's room, climb in bed with her, and ask her if she wanted to stay home with me. She nodded yes, eyes still closed. And I just laid next to her, petting her hair. I can't believe how much "grown" children still look like children when they're sleeping. My daughter, with boobs, crushes, and an attitude, still has the same exact face she did when I brought her home at 2 days old when she's sleeping. I have to remember these moments. Especially when I'm yelling for the 5th time at her to do something and she says, 'You don't have to be a freak and yell. I got this." That's why they look so cute sleeping. Otherwi...

New ride on the top of the Stratosphere in Vegas!

...4th of July. P-Dub, Gabby, and I went to my mom and dad's...ate ALOT! Came home...watched a movie...now Gabby is playing with friends and P-Dub is sleeping. I turned down going to the Mansion with all my friends...i need some time off...real...quality time off... ...but, I'm bored...

I was going to write a new post...and then I spilled an entire 20 oz. coffee all over the carpet and the wires of the computer. I should just go back to bed.

My 32nd birthday was yesterday, and it was pretty awesome. I'm not so freaked out about getting older anymore. Every line on my face is just a reminder of how much I have laughed and cried in my life. A road map basically to the life I've lead up to this point. I took a half day off yesterday, did a little jewelry shopping, and then the festivities began. Andrea got my sister and P-Dub together and planned out the whole night. 1. Went to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack and had giant steam pots of crab legs! Delicious! Andrea, after she promised not to, told Frank the Tank, our waiter, it was my B-Day. He threatened the whole time about making me get up and dance, but I wasn't having it, and basically begged at the end. So...no dancing for me. 2. We came back to my apartment and rushed to get the heck out of here to make it downtown to the Cameo Theatre to see The Fourth Wall . There were only about 12 people in the audience...including us...it was pretty dang aw...

These are some pics of Gabby in Arizona with my parents, sister, grandmother and my aunt.

Well, he didn't really, but he hurt me, and he hurt himself. Every weekend morning after Black Hawk has eaten, he wants me to open the blinds and the windows so he can get some sun and some bird watching in. So, this morning I went lifted the blinds. Opened the window a crack. And I bent down to look outside. Right then Black Hawk comes bounding up between my legs on to the windowsill and in the process his head hit the side of my head and he held on for dear life with his claws. Which went right into my nail bed on my thumb. I can barely hit the space bar now. P-Dub thought it was pretty funny. But I was very concerned...about Black Hawk. I mean my head was hurting...and my head is about 4 times the size of his. And it's very hard. What if he has brain damage? I keep watching him to see if he's twitching or acting weird. Which is kind of hard because he's always weird...Only I would bonk heads with my cat. So, I guess he's just as weird as I am.

...just let me get through today! It's Friday, and I'm super stressed. One more day of work. That's it. Just have to get through today. Then I have a Dr.'s appointment at 5 and I'm done. Time to relax. I don't want to do anything or think about anything at all this weekend!!! Not sure if I'm going to end up going to Shane Dig. I really want to, but am already feeling lazy!!! I know P-Dub and I are going to go look at new cars for him at some point, but other than that...I just want to veg.

Broken. Everything is broken and falling apart. First, I bought a new TV in April (ok, my dad gave it to me as a Mother's Day/Birthday present). I have been VERY happy with the new TV. I have shrugged off flat sceen, fancy, new TVs for years, but I finally gave in because I knew it would make P-Dub happier to watch TV in my room...or anywhere in my house. I only got a 22". It was $250 for a Phillips, and it was just too good to be true. In fact, we asked the sales person why it was only $250 when the Best Buy name brand, Dynex, was more. He couldn't give us an answer. Actually, I think he tried to give us some line about because it was brand new, energy efficient, and the economy was bad. Whatever, we took it and ran. Turns out they had marked it with the wrong price. P-Dub went back the next day and it was actually $350. But you get what you pay for! The damn thing is broken! It keeps flickering and then it has a big green line across it. And of course I c...

So, last weekend I chilled on Friday. Went shopping with my sis on Saturday morning. Andrea was home from Canada and we went out to Baker Street for some drinks with P-Dub. Drank too much. Spent a lot of time by the pool. Thursday P-Dub and I are going to a Missions baseball game ($1 night!!!) with my friends Becky and Kevin. Friday is a friend from work's Baby Shower. And I think P-Dub and I might be going to a driving range to hit some balls and grab some drinks with Carolyn (my sister) and Scott (my brother-in-law). Maybe I can get in some extra pool time again. During the weeks I have dr.'s appointments, and daycare calling, and middle school arranging, and just lots of errands. Then, the next weekend is the 3rd Annual Shane Dig (my friend Shane throws a HUGE summer party/festival each year). And it's Father's Day. The next weekend is my birthday, P-Dub's stepdad's Graduation Party, and Jess' Baby Shower (which I won't be there for, but hav...

Today is the 3rd day I have taken Focalin for ADHD. Since stimulants do not build up on your body like anti-depressants, they pretty much start working right away and only last for 6-8 hours. Thursday I felt like I could tell the difference. And since I'm taking the extended release, I was really sure I could feel when the second release hit me. But, then came Friday. I stopped by P-Dub's office and was almost instantly irritate. But, I had already been in a funk all day. The weird thing is that my anxiety level, frustration, and...that stupid red-headed temper of mine didn't flare up really bad. It was like I could tell I was feeling all that stuff, and then it would kind of disapate. But, I came home and vented and cried for half an hour to P-Dub. Mostly about being frustrated with my life. And, then it went away. Last night I could tell it had definitely worn off though because I was hyper as shit. I used to think of myself as just being anxious all the...

I'm bored, so I thought I'd blog about a few more things, but don't forget to check out the post before this one...it's new too.... One more thing with the A.D.D. On the test I took, I only had to have two "peaks" that were high in order to say I have A.D.D. I had SIX!!! He said my impulsiveness is off the charts. Yea. That makes sense. That's why I interrupt people when they're speaking, I finish people's sentences. I change the subject on conversations before other people are done. I just do and say things without thinking about the consequences. Or, when I type a blog really fast, see the mistakes I've made, and just don't care. I'm taking this very seriously. It's so nice to put a name to something and not just have drugs thrown at me and have people say, "You're just stressed out." Funny how dating P-Dub has been the thing that has made me want to take this seriously and to actually realize how big of ...

Between Facebook and Myspace and here...I never feel like I have time to catch up with everyone. I get over here and have to read 500 blogs that I've missed because I haven't even logged in in forever. I've had a nasty head cold/allergies/or something since last Monday. But I think I'm starting to feel a little better. I had an MRI does this week on my rotator cuff. I've been having the same kind of pain in my shoulder/arm/neck that I used to get when I worked at the IRS...which was diagnosed as Impingement Syndrome and hurt like a mother effer. So, it was time to go see my Orthopedic Specialist again. He wants to make sure I haven't actually torn my rotator cuff and my old MRI's were like 5 years old. I have the follow up on Tuesday to see what the pain is from and what I'm going to do about it. I had another couple of appointments with my new psychologist...and after a bunch of tests, he thinks it is beyond a doubt that I have adult A.D.D. He th...

Star Trek - LOVED it! You don't have to be a Star Trek fan to love it either. Best action movie I've seen since Iron Man . I'm a little biased though...the same guys do the best show of all time LOST. Those guys are awesome at character development! The English Patient - Yea, I just saw it for the first time. Don't know why I never watched it before...it's my kind of movie. LOVED it! Although...at a few points I thought "how the hell long is this movie!!!". Seven Pounds - OMG! I haven't cried...sobbing, heaving, cries...like that since The Color Purple . But now I'm too obsessed and caught up with thinking about the "human experience"...and how most people are just shitheads. Going out to see my friends' Kevin and Andy's band play. A little excited. P-Dub is in Houston this weekend, so I'm pretty much freer than Nelson Mandela. I don't know what that means....

Yesterday P-Dub and I went walking. 30 minutes. Just around my complex. 2 miles. My breathing is really out of control these days. (Have I mentioned I've been researching going to see a Pulminary (sp) specialist?) It felt really great. Then we had dinner, with Gabby, at Jason's Deli...Salad Bar...which was good...and then I couldn't resist and got Tomato Basil soup, but I didn't finish it, and it's only day one. Walking again today after work. I want to try to bring my camera with me this time. Not much interesting going on around the complex, but I keep meaning to use it more and always forget.

Jess mentioned I hadn't given enough info in my last post about my new doc...but don't worry, all the info is in the post before that..."I've been obsessed..." Got hooked up to the machine on Thursday...ideal muscle tension measures at 2.0 or less...a "normal stressed/anxious" person measures around 4 or 5...my muscle tension measured at 15.6! Sweet Sassy Molassey! That's ridiculous! Going to see him again on Friday. Not feeling him very much, and he so got the wrong idea when I told him that taking 500 million strong as hell drugs wasn't working for me. He believes I am "anti-medication". Oh, no, no, no sir! I am not...I am so PRO medication it's sick. I had just wanted to kind of start from scratch. Now he wants me to just listen to his little relaxation CDs and learn to calm myself. I can't even lay still long enough to hear one line of his "my forhead feels heavy and warm" crap. I'm just going to hav...

Preliminary diagnoses is I have mild depression and SEVERE anxiety. We'll see how this goes. This Thursday I'm getting hooked up to a machine to measure my stress levels. I'm stressed about being stressed. :) WTF!! Work is so freakin' hectic I feel like I don't have time for anything else. Not a lot going on. Tomorrow is the season finale of LOST, Thursday I have my doctor's appointment, and Friday, P-Dub and I are driving out to Gruene to meet up with my family for dinner. My sister is graduating, and we are celebrating! Woo Hoo! Gabby's home this weekend...and my pool is closed till June 1...again...WTF!!!???