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Don't worry about me.

I've been staying at my parent's house, but it's kind of time for me to go home I guess. Really it's that Gabby wants to go home. And I do need to get some serious cleaning done before Jessica comes. I think if I can get down and dirty in all that grime it will somehow make me feel better, too. I can clean up all the physical mess that JC left me in as well as the emotional. But don't worry about me. I know that JC was supposed to fuck up this bad. It probably is the only way for me to finally see my worth. I have this whole new job starting on Monday, and I'm gonna guess that there's a pretty good reason why this would happen. I probably needed it. I wasn't strong enough to take the high road myself. And no it really doesn't make me feel better to put JC down, but I do know just how much better I AM than he is. How much more I deserve.

I don't want to be poor for the rest of my life. I don't want to constantly have to be reminding somebody to "take care of business", I don't want to constantly be worrying about things getting done, I don't want to have to take care of anyone but my own children, and if I decide to have more children, I want to be able to stay home with them for a little while...I want a man who's involved. All of those things wouldn't be the way I want if I had stayed with JC. And so, there is a reason and a purpose to the dirty shit that he did. And that is that I needed to be able to walk away and quit convincing myself otherwise. I convinced myself that I needed him and he needed me. But now...he's the one to be left needing...needing a lot of things that he can't get from the people around himself.

Comments

Jacq said…
Sometimes, we need to just take a breath in live in the moment. Count the blessings we have, look around, and be thankful for it all. To keep myself grounded, I look at the field I'm in and remember all those who were so much more unfortunate than I. That's when I realize how wonderful my life truly is.
11:38 PM
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