Dysfunction Suits Me

These are some pics of Gabby in Arizona with my parents, sister, grandmother and my aunt.

Well, he didn't really, but he hurt me, and he hurt himself. Every weekend morning after Black Hawk has eaten, he wants me to open the blinds and the windows so he can get some sun and some bird watching in. So, this morning I went lifted the blinds. Opened the window a crack. And I bent down to look outside. Right then Black Hawk comes bounding up between my legs on to the windowsill and in the process his head hit the side of my head and he held on for dear life with his claws. Which went right into my nail bed on my thumb. I can barely hit the space bar now. P-Dub thought it was pretty funny. But I was very concerned...about Black Hawk. I mean my head was hurting...and my head is about 4 times the size of his. And it's very hard. What if he has brain damage? I keep watching him to see if he's twitching or acting weird. Which is kind of hard because he's always weird...Only I would bonk heads with my cat. So, I guess he's just as weird as I am.

...just let me get through today! It's Friday, and I'm super stressed. One more day of work. That's it. Just have to get through today. Then I have a Dr.'s appointment at 5 and I'm done. Time to relax. I don't want to do anything or think about anything at all this weekend!!! Not sure if I'm going to end up going to Shane Dig. I really want to, but am already feeling lazy!!! I know P-Dub and I are going to go look at new cars for him at some point, but other than that...I just want to veg.

Broken. Everything is broken and falling apart. First, I bought a new TV in April (ok, my dad gave it to me as a Mother's Day/Birthday present). I have been VERY happy with the new TV. I have shrugged off flat sceen, fancy, new TVs for years, but I finally gave in because I knew it would make P-Dub happier to watch TV in my room...or anywhere in my house. I only got a 22". It was $250 for a Phillips, and it was just too good to be true. In fact, we asked the sales person why it was only $250 when the Best Buy name brand, Dynex, was more. He couldn't give us an answer. Actually, I think he tried to give us some line about because it was brand new, energy efficient, and the economy was bad. Whatever, we took it and ran. Turns out they had marked it with the wrong price. P-Dub went back the next day and it was actually $350. But you get what you pay for! The damn thing is broken! It keeps flickering and then it has a big green line across it. And of course I c...

So, last weekend I chilled on Friday. Went shopping with my sis on Saturday morning. Andrea was home from Canada and we went out to Baker Street for some drinks with P-Dub. Drank too much. Spent a lot of time by the pool. Thursday P-Dub and I are going to a Missions baseball game ($1 night!!!) with my friends Becky and Kevin. Friday is a friend from work's Baby Shower. And I think P-Dub and I might be going to a driving range to hit some balls and grab some drinks with Carolyn (my sister) and Scott (my brother-in-law). Maybe I can get in some extra pool time again. During the weeks I have dr.'s appointments, and daycare calling, and middle school arranging, and just lots of errands. Then, the next weekend is the 3rd Annual Shane Dig (my friend Shane throws a HUGE summer party/festival each year). And it's Father's Day. The next weekend is my birthday, P-Dub's stepdad's Graduation Party, and Jess' Baby Shower (which I won't be there for, but hav...

Today is the 3rd day I have taken Focalin for ADHD. Since stimulants do not build up on your body like anti-depressants, they pretty much start working right away and only last for 6-8 hours. Thursday I felt like I could tell the difference. And since I'm taking the extended release, I was really sure I could feel when the second release hit me. But, then came Friday. I stopped by P-Dub's office and was almost instantly irritate. But, I had already been in a funk all day. The weird thing is that my anxiety level, frustration, and...that stupid red-headed temper of mine didn't flare up really bad. It was like I could tell I was feeling all that stuff, and then it would kind of disapate. But, I came home and vented and cried for half an hour to P-Dub. Mostly about being frustrated with my life. And, then it went away. Last night I could tell it had definitely worn off though because I was hyper as shit. I used to think of myself as just being anxious all the...

I'm bored, so I thought I'd blog about a few more things, but don't forget to check out the post before this one...it's new too.... One more thing with the A.D.D. On the test I took, I only had to have two "peaks" that were high in order to say I have A.D.D. I had SIX!!! He said my impulsiveness is off the charts. Yea. That makes sense. That's why I interrupt people when they're speaking, I finish people's sentences. I change the subject on conversations before other people are done. I just do and say things without thinking about the consequences. Or, when I type a blog really fast, see the mistakes I've made, and just don't care. I'm taking this very seriously. It's so nice to put a name to something and not just have drugs thrown at me and have people say, "You're just stressed out." Funny how dating P-Dub has been the thing that has made me want to take this seriously and to actually realize how big of ...

Between Facebook and Myspace and here...I never feel like I have time to catch up with everyone. I get over here and have to read 500 blogs that I've missed because I haven't even logged in in forever. I've had a nasty head cold/allergies/or something since last Monday. But I think I'm starting to feel a little better. I had an MRI does this week on my rotator cuff. I've been having the same kind of pain in my shoulder/arm/neck that I used to get when I worked at the IRS...which was diagnosed as Impingement Syndrome and hurt like a mother effer. So, it was time to go see my Orthopedic Specialist again. He wants to make sure I haven't actually torn my rotator cuff and my old MRI's were like 5 years old. I have the follow up on Tuesday to see what the pain is from and what I'm going to do about it. I had another couple of appointments with my new psychologist...and after a bunch of tests, he thinks it is beyond a doubt that I have adult A.D.D. He th...

Star Trek - LOVED it! You don't have to be a Star Trek fan to love it either. Best action movie I've seen since Iron Man . I'm a little biased though...the same guys do the best show of all time LOST. Those guys are awesome at character development! The English Patient - Yea, I just saw it for the first time. Don't know why I never watched it before...it's my kind of movie. LOVED it! Although...at a few points I thought "how the hell long is this movie!!!". Seven Pounds - OMG! I haven't cried...sobbing, heaving, cries...like that since The Color Purple . But now I'm too obsessed and caught up with thinking about the "human experience"...and how most people are just shitheads. Going out to see my friends' Kevin and Andy's band play. A little excited. P-Dub is in Houston this weekend, so I'm pretty much freer than Nelson Mandela. I don't know what that means....

Yesterday P-Dub and I went walking. 30 minutes. Just around my complex. 2 miles. My breathing is really out of control these days. (Have I mentioned I've been researching going to see a Pulminary (sp) specialist?) It felt really great. Then we had dinner, with Gabby, at Jason's Deli...Salad Bar...which was good...and then I couldn't resist and got Tomato Basil soup, but I didn't finish it, and it's only day one. Walking again today after work. I want to try to bring my camera with me this time. Not much interesting going on around the complex, but I keep meaning to use it more and always forget.

Jess mentioned I hadn't given enough info in my last post about my new doc...but don't worry, all the info is in the post before that..."I've been obsessed..." Got hooked up to the machine on Thursday...ideal muscle tension measures at 2.0 or less...a "normal stressed/anxious" person measures around 4 or 5...my muscle tension measured at 15.6! Sweet Sassy Molassey! That's ridiculous! Going to see him again on Friday. Not feeling him very much, and he so got the wrong idea when I told him that taking 500 million strong as hell drugs wasn't working for me. He believes I am "anti-medication". Oh, no, no, no sir! I am not...I am so PRO medication it's sick. I had just wanted to kind of start from scratch. Now he wants me to just listen to his little relaxation CDs and learn to calm myself. I can't even lay still long enough to hear one line of his "my forhead feels heavy and warm" crap. I'm just going to hav...

Preliminary diagnoses is I have mild depression and SEVERE anxiety. We'll see how this goes. This Thursday I'm getting hooked up to a machine to measure my stress levels. I'm stressed about being stressed. :) WTF!! Work is so freakin' hectic I feel like I don't have time for anything else. Not a lot going on. Tomorrow is the season finale of LOST, Thursday I have my doctor's appointment, and Friday, P-Dub and I are driving out to Gruene to meet up with my family for dinner. My sister is graduating, and we are celebrating! Woo Hoo! Gabby's home this weekend...and my pool is closed till June 1...again...WTF!!!???

...with the movie Grey Gardens . You must watch, and then you should do a little background research on the internet. I can't stop. It's scary to me to think that really...this could happen to a lot of women I know...including me. Work is so hectic. It has consumed my life. My every conversation with P-Dub. I'm crying all the time. My can't make myself have good posture. My shoulders are going to permanently be stuck up around my ears I'm so tense. So, I have decided to go see a new therapist...actually instead of a therapist or a psychiatrist, I'm going to try seeing a psychologist. A really good friend of mine just found this amazing doctor, and I can't believe her diagnoses. She and I are so similar in the way we think, feel, etc...we handle things a little differently, but otherwise, very similar. So, her recent diagnoses was yes, she has minor depression, anxiety, and OCP issues, but the main cause is ADD. I sit in awe as she explains her vi...

Rachel Getting Married - I think this movie destroyed my soul for a couple of days. It hit a little too close to home. I went into it thinking it was a dramedy, but it was more like heavy crying with a little chuckle here and there mixed in. I really liked it though. Once - Most simple little love story. And just really good. I watched it right after the movie above though, and so it also destroyed my soul. I want to re-watch it when I'm in a happier mood. Role Models - Hilarious. The Alphabet Killer - Awful. No. Really. I should have known. It was a terrible movie. The Children of Huang Shi - Another war, period film that I love. Plus, looking at Jonathan Rhys-Meyer is always a plus for me. Happy-Go-Lucky - It looked really cute. Looked like a feel good movie. But, it was just kind of weird, and I didn't "get it". Brick Lane - You know movies that are good, but you're just watching, just kind of in to it...and then at the end it totally gets y...

...in my apartment. Let's not get crazy.

I think I'm the only one who thought the scene with "Smokey" was Sci-Fi cheesiness. It really bothered and pissed me off. I almost said, "Forget this show! Did they really have to go THERE!?" In fact, I am kind of saying that...I'm not sure I care about the island secrets anymore. I just care about the people from the show and where they're gonna end up. I will be sad to see this show that has occupied a few years of my life now, but I need some closure. Quick.

Work has been crazy busy so far this week. Last weekend was pretty busy, too. Gabby spent the weekend at her dad's. They always have a big "to do" about Easter, so it was probably a lot more fun for her over there. Thursday night I had dinner with this guy I've been dating. Not just some guy. The guy I've been dating. For the purposes of this blog he will be known as P-Dub because I can't say his name. Then we spent the rest of the evening here at my apartment. Woke up Friday and hung around here. Then I met up with Andrea and had delicious Steam Pots at Joe's Crab Shack. Came back here when she had to go back to work. P-Dub and I did some driving around and browsed through Best Buy and Rooms-2-Go. Then headed out to dinner with his mom, stepdad, sister, his sister's girlfriend, his uncle, and his uncle's girlfriend. We had Vietnamese. I got freaked out. P-Dub was smart and got Pho...which looked delicious. I tried in in VA and reall...

...to blog on a regular basis. I feel like I'm always playing catch up. I had a really great weekend. Gabby went to her dad's. I had dinner with a friend and his family on Friday for his step-dad's birthday. That was really good. And then my friend had to go home to catch some zzzz's for his trip to Houston the next morning. I met up with Andrea at The Crazy Ape and it was just the two of us. Saturday was another laugh fest like our trip to the coast. We had lunch at Fish City Grill. Did a little jewelry shopping. And got Mystic tans. (I have streaks. I didn't buff in a circular motion enough). Stopped for ice cream and then we each headed home. I met up with Andrea again a little later at Baker Street Pub. Our friend, Nick the Bartender, was having a birthday party with a White Trash theme. We perched ourselves at the bar and watched the craziness ensue. I was offered a $100 plus tips to let my boobs make an appearance at a Bachelor Party. WTF!!?? ...

Between work, dating (check out True Romance?, I have an update), friends, and family drama beyond belief, mama. I needed to get away. Desperately! I thought, "Hmmm...I should take Gabby to the coast. I've never been in March." But, I was a little scared of going alone...mostly for my own mental stability. So, I dragged Andrea into going. Well, really she's having the same friend drama, so I didn't have to twist her arm too much. And, I threw in the fact that I wanted to eat ridiculous amounts of seafood...one thing we share in common. That was Wednesday of last week. By Thursday morning Andrea had our accomodations ready and there was nothing else to do. No plans. It was a great feeling. Just packing up and going. Friday after work, Andrea picked us up. Didn't even get out of her car. And we set off. The giggling began right away. I have NEVER laughed as hard as I did on this little mini-vaca. And I freakin' needed it! We stopped at Burge...

Andrea and Gabby in Bayside. Gabby could use some work on her photographing skills. But she did ok on this one. Bayside, TX Creepy Wood's Mansion in Bayside. Andrea's family used to live down the street. Apparently the husband went away to war leaving his wife and 12 children. The wife went crazy. Gabby was so darn excited about the barnacles. I was surprised she knew what a barnacle was. It was very windy. Gabby and Andrea on the pier in Bayside. More of Bayside More...of Bayside. And the last of Bayside. Creepy Fulton Mansion in Fulton, TX. I really would love to have done the tour, but it was too late. The view from Fulton Mansion. Part of what made Fulton Mansion so creepy...all the stuff around the basement... Gabby in one of the big trees around Big Tree. THE Big Tree We set out to eat a lot of seafood...and we did.