...blogging to you in the early hours of the morning. Drinking coffee. Smoking. I haven't been able to do this in almost a year. This used to be my favorite part of the day. I'd write a blog, and then sit here reading blogs all morning before a nap. Well, there will be no napping today. I have to move. I don't know why I'm procrastinating so much. Ok, moving sucks. But I'm a little sad to let this apartment go, too. There are so many good memories here. Lots of bad ones, too. Here recently everything in here reminds me of JC, and I just want it all gone!!! And there were plenty of fights and bad memories from when Gabby's dad lived here, too.
But this is also the place where I first brought Gabby home from the hospital. It has been our home for almost 10 years! I moved in one week before Gabby was born. We actually moved in on my due date. And here in this apartment is where she grew up...where her dad and I laughed with her and played with her. Where all of her "firsts" took place.
This is where I met one of the strongest women I know, Carla. Without her I probably never would have left Gabby's dad OR gone back to school. This is where I also met my neighbors Dan and Harold (who passed away last year). Those guys treated me like a daughter, and were always willing to help me out.
This is where Jess and I spent some great vacation memories. This bedroom has been my sanctuary. I have cried in here, I have laughed in here, I have made love in here. There's just too many good memories. Which is strange for me to be remembering because I usually focus on the bad memories.
And there were a lot of those bad memories. And especially these days. All this place does is remind me of what my life was for the last two years with JC. And, there hasn't been enough time for me to think of the good stuff with him, yet. This place is in shambles. Even when I clean. And it's like it all fell apart two years ago. And it is definitely time to move on.
The last 6 months have been one of the hardest parts of my life thus far. But I've made it. And I'm still here...and I'm still relatively intact.
So, it is time to go. Time to move on to bigger and better things. Gabby is getting so big! She's up to my shoulders at 9!!! Now she will have her own bathroom, and move on to being a teenager. It's like we're starting a whole new phase of our lives. I had wanted to move out when JC and I broke up, but I can see that I needed this time...in this place, to heal my heart and my life and my soul, and get rid of a lot of "stuff"! And now I can move into a clean, new place that is all me and Gabby...and we can make new memories with Black Hawk and Apache, our newest members of the family.
And memories never go away. I'm so sentimental about pictures because they are "memories", but the truth is I don't need those pictures to remember BBQing out front with Dan, Harold, Carla, Mario, David, Gabby, and Corey. Staying up late, cooking chicken wings, dancing to Eminem with the kids. I don't need pictures to remember John leaving me hearts made out of rocks on my doorstep. I don't need those pictures to remember waking up to my birthday present of a Papa San that Josh left on my patio for me to find. I don't need pictures to remember me and Andrea sitting in my living room at Christmas listening to Amy Grant's Christmas Corn song over and over and over again. I don't need pictures to remember Gabby and me getting up at 5am every morning and listening to Louis Armstrong while I fed her baby cereal. I don't need pictures to remember Gabby's dad and I just sitting on the floor playing with Gabby. I don't need pictures to remember Jess and me cleaning my blinds or trying to make Gabby eat califlower, and here recently...I don't need pictures to remember Black Hawk and Apache running after each other, crouching behind things, wiggling their butts and attacking each other.
So, goodbye 1406...you have been good to us...even though I haven't been good to you in the last couple of years...hahahaha!
I know this is all a little sappy, but I am a Cancer, and we are VERY attached to our homes. But this hasn't been a home in quite a while. And I'm so ready to make a new HOME for the four of us. No memories of men that have treated us badly...no men that I have deferred to all my life. Just us. And new friends, and old. Gabby's new "older" life, and the career that chose me that I love so much.
I am washing everything I can in Victoria's Secret laundry detergent and I'm running out to buy my favorite plug ins from Bath and Body Works...Cherry Blossoms. No more smoking in the house! I have a lot of work ahead of me, but after writing this, I can't wait to get started. Life truly does go on. And I'm sure we will have more heartache in the future. But I'm prepared. I know that I can actually handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. And I am prepared to take those bad times and shove 'em!
But this is also the place where I first brought Gabby home from the hospital. It has been our home for almost 10 years! I moved in one week before Gabby was born. We actually moved in on my due date. And here in this apartment is where she grew up...where her dad and I laughed with her and played with her. Where all of her "firsts" took place.
This is where I met one of the strongest women I know, Carla. Without her I probably never would have left Gabby's dad OR gone back to school. This is where I also met my neighbors Dan and Harold (who passed away last year). Those guys treated me like a daughter, and were always willing to help me out.
This is where Jess and I spent some great vacation memories. This bedroom has been my sanctuary. I have cried in here, I have laughed in here, I have made love in here. There's just too many good memories. Which is strange for me to be remembering because I usually focus on the bad memories.
And there were a lot of those bad memories. And especially these days. All this place does is remind me of what my life was for the last two years with JC. And, there hasn't been enough time for me to think of the good stuff with him, yet. This place is in shambles. Even when I clean. And it's like it all fell apart two years ago. And it is definitely time to move on.
The last 6 months have been one of the hardest parts of my life thus far. But I've made it. And I'm still here...and I'm still relatively intact.
So, it is time to go. Time to move on to bigger and better things. Gabby is getting so big! She's up to my shoulders at 9!!! Now she will have her own bathroom, and move on to being a teenager. It's like we're starting a whole new phase of our lives. I had wanted to move out when JC and I broke up, but I can see that I needed this time...in this place, to heal my heart and my life and my soul, and get rid of a lot of "stuff"! And now I can move into a clean, new place that is all me and Gabby...and we can make new memories with Black Hawk and Apache, our newest members of the family.
And memories never go away. I'm so sentimental about pictures because they are "memories", but the truth is I don't need those pictures to remember BBQing out front with Dan, Harold, Carla, Mario, David, Gabby, and Corey. Staying up late, cooking chicken wings, dancing to Eminem with the kids. I don't need pictures to remember John leaving me hearts made out of rocks on my doorstep. I don't need those pictures to remember waking up to my birthday present of a Papa San that Josh left on my patio for me to find. I don't need pictures to remember me and Andrea sitting in my living room at Christmas listening to Amy Grant's Christmas Corn song over and over and over again. I don't need pictures to remember Gabby and me getting up at 5am every morning and listening to Louis Armstrong while I fed her baby cereal. I don't need pictures to remember Gabby's dad and I just sitting on the floor playing with Gabby. I don't need pictures to remember Jess and me cleaning my blinds or trying to make Gabby eat califlower, and here recently...I don't need pictures to remember Black Hawk and Apache running after each other, crouching behind things, wiggling their butts and attacking each other.
So, goodbye 1406...you have been good to us...even though I haven't been good to you in the last couple of years...hahahaha!
I know this is all a little sappy, but I am a Cancer, and we are VERY attached to our homes. But this hasn't been a home in quite a while. And I'm so ready to make a new HOME for the four of us. No memories of men that have treated us badly...no men that I have deferred to all my life. Just us. And new friends, and old. Gabby's new "older" life, and the career that chose me that I love so much.
I am washing everything I can in Victoria's Secret laundry detergent and I'm running out to buy my favorite plug ins from Bath and Body Works...Cherry Blossoms. No more smoking in the house! I have a lot of work ahead of me, but after writing this, I can't wait to get started. Life truly does go on. And I'm sure we will have more heartache in the future. But I'm prepared. I know that I can actually handle a lot more than I ever thought I could. And I am prepared to take those bad times and shove 'em!
Comments
**I know you've been there for a long time but honestly, you need a new look. Besides, I could do with a new place to come visit. I have some not-so-fond memories in that apartment too! Yicky!