Dysfunction Suits Me

I recently read a book called Good Grief...it was about a woman who's husband dies and the book is split up into the five stages of grief. It was sad, but written with lots of humor...and it kind of applies to just losing someone in general. The one thing I liked a lot in this book was that the main character and her best friend have this thing that they do every time they go out with a guy and it ends for one reason or another...they write a "good riddance" list...a list composed of all those things you convinced yourself were "cute", but really down deep they annoyed you to no end...so I thought this would be something good for me to do in my whole healing/growing process...this isn't meant to be bashing or mean spirited in any way...it's just the truth... Good Riddance List 1. It annoyed me that he didn't take good care of his teeth. Not only just the shape of them...but everything... 2. It annoyed me that he sounded like a flock of geese whe...

First off I remembered a couple of the other movies I watched: 1. Friends with Money...It was good. Ok I guess is more like it. 2. The Holiday...LOVED this one...I could watch it over and over and over again. I started watching the Party of Five DVDs and can't stop! They're just too good! I also rented The Last King of Scotland, The Devil Wears Prada, and One Night with the King...I'll let you know how that goes. In trying to "get better" and progress I've been doing a little self exploration in order to find out who I am, where I'm going, and to just basically get so that I love myself. Part of that is working on why I'm such a mess with relationships. A little while before I met JC I was talking to Ray Ray the Killer about what I was looking for in a guy. He asked and I responded, "Someone who lives on his own, can do his own laundry, and can balance his own checkbook." Ray Ray said, "That's it?" And, yea...that was i...

I've been watching a lot of movies lately...ALOT!!! Some I've bought...some I rented...some I had seen before and bought anyway...some I bought and still haven't seen...it's been good "therapy" as Jessica put it. Maybe...it takes my mind off things...and really good movies are always good for the soul...and I think of really good movies kind of like books...you can learn something...even if it's only about yourself. :) 1. Blood Diamond...saw it in the theatre, but LOVE this one...watch it!!! 2. Bobby...rented it...really liked it. 3. Rumor Has It...I love Shirley Mcclain in anything! I cried my eyes out. Of course I did watch it right after the next one.d 4. World Trade Center...everyone has their own sad story dealing with 9/11, and I definitely have my own demons from that day...week...I thought it was a great movie. 5. Volver...started off thinking it was kind of weird...Spanish humor is different from American humor, but by the end I was lovi...

1. Who would have thought? That I might actually like my new job. This afternoon I was out of training and on my own. It wasn't so bad. The work actually keeps me busy enough, and you have to put a lot of thought into it, so it was a challenge, and I wasn't bored at all...and it wasn't hard. It was ok. I'm still not giving up my dreams. But to get some cash, I might not have picked such a bad job afterall. 2. I'm really into women empowerment right now. I know, it's very cliche for a woman who's just been burned. But you know the old saying...fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice shame on me. Well, that's exactly what happened. I gave JC a second chance, and now it's shame on me. And I won't fall into that trap again. I turned a blind eye to many a thing because of my own insecurities, but I really believe that my next relationship will be so much better because I will love me first....which takes me to... 3. I don't look ...

When I was 15 my mom took me to see a therapist. Which I guess for any 15-year old this could be a good thing. I was diagnosed as having depression, but back then (yes, I think I'm old enough to say that...it was 15 years ago!) depression was still a hush, hush...maybe it isn't real kind of thing. I ended up liking my therapist a lot. In fact it became a not so good relationship because we both became kind of like friends. I took medication over the years, but never really thought it helped me. I always thought I could manage it. And for the most part I did. I mean you don't get a degree with a kid without managing something. But I've acted out in ways I shouldn't have many a time. I'm sure JC was part of that. But now I know that I can manage the depression, it's the anxiety (that I didn't really think I had) that I can't manage. So, when my relationship falls apart, I have to say goodbye to one job, and hello to another in one weeks time...well...l...

I think about the past alot. I always have, but recently I've been thinking about it in a different light. I usually think about the past in a longing way. Wanting to go back to times when things were different in some way...or missing people...or the usual. But lately I've really been thinking about how my past relates to my present and my future. Which I guess is the more healthy way to think of it. So, if some of my blogs are about things from the past, and it's boring, I apologize up front. I'm hoping that eventually my past is going to catch up with my present, and put me a better place...if that makes any sense. But, once again, my dad is wanting his computer back pretty quick. So...more to come...at my new home.

My dad is itching to get his computer back...so I'll make this short...I'm so happy to be more anonymous. We'll see if just changing the address works. If not, I'll make my settings so that only invited people can read, or I'll get a password. Something. But it feels much better to be able to express myself. So...I'll elaborate more, but let me just say that things were pretty desperate for a week or so there after JC and I broke up. I was hysterical, frantic, and a crying mess. But...I finally went to see a doctor, and am finally being treated with medication for depression and anxiety. Please don't send me hate mail for doing this. You have no idea how much it helps. I see clear...really, really clear. Ok, my dad keeps walking down the hall and asking how I'm doing...he really wants his computer back. I'll write more tomorrow.

... tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow... Sorry...It just caught in my head after I typed the title...my sister and I used to belt that one out when we were little. So tomorrow is the big day when I finally change the address on this thing, or set it to private or whatever...so if you want to keep reading please email me... gara_tx23@yahoo.com ... Then I can feel free to express myself again on this thing. It's weird how this thing that was such a great outlet for so long has become stressful...but it won't be anymore...and then I can let you in on some stuff.