Guess who's back? - On Friday morning I hopped online to find that the AOC was available on IM. I was shocked, and not sure what to do. He had written me an email to let me know he would be home, but I just didn't think about it too much. For the rest of the weekend we played phone tag, and had one IM conversation where things seemed to be back to "normal", except that there was no mention of Obi-Wan. Friday night and Saturday morning alone he left me four different messages trying to reach me. Yesterday we had our first conversation. I'm not sure if he was serious, but he kind of offered me a "job" for the summer. He asked if I would like to go where he lives and hang out while I helped him with his work for the rest of July. I can't believe that I am kind of considering it. More to come on this subject at some point in the rest of this post . . .
Wasted Weekend - Friday night I hooked up with Mi-Mi and some friends from school. We went and had a few beers while we waited for Obi-One and Mr. Incredible to get off work. We eventually ended up meeting them at the Karaoke place along with Velma and Princess Fiona. Afterwards we went back to Obi-Wan and Velma's apartment . . . and pretty much just passed out. Saturday morning I spent with Obi-Wan, and then took him to work. I met up with Mi-Mi to have lunch and go get Obi-Wan's birthday present. He's really into playing darts, so I suggested to Mi-Mi that I should get him a new dart case and some new flights. She agreed, and went with me to pick it out. We also had the best lunch ever - fried pickles, ranch, country fried steak, corn on the cob, butter, and Fanta Red. It was to die for! Saturday night we went out again . . . just Obi-Wan, Mi-Mi and Princess Fiona, who is really sweet, and I like her a lot. We proceeded to become as wasted as possible (again), and play darts - well, I don't play darts . . . I just watch and give Obi-Wan good-luck kisses. After we got back to Obi-Wan's apartment, we had our first kind of argument out in the car. I'm not sure it counts though if you're really drunk. It ended up being about ex's, which I've decided is a subject that should just be steered clear of, or at least certain directions of that conversation should be rewound and erased. I also ended up telling him a little about the AOC. When we walked up to the apartment we were greeted by Velma, Jack Sparrow, Angelica, and Lilo. I had been warned about some of the younger people from Obi-Wan's job that are very much back-stabbers, gossips, and drama queens, and I didn't like all the little nasty looks I got. I could see it in everyone's eye "So, this is J.C.'s girlfriend." And I'm not sure if it was in a good way or not.
Two-day Birthday - Obi-Wan had Sunday off, and we were schedule to have dinner with his dad and stepmom for his birthday *panic panic*. But first in the morning, Obi-Wan had to babysit for Ace Ventura. It was the first time that he had ever babysat a child, or had to interact that closely with one. He earned so many brownie points with me! He was awesome, and really really good with Baby-Spiderman (I was told that Ace didn't have a babysitter one night, so his boss allowed his son to go to work with him, and dress up in a Spiderman costume, and run around torturing the customers). After Ace came home, we got ready and went to dinner. We got there first and the minute his parents arrived and started talking to me, I broke out in a sweat, and was shaking to death. I was so nervous about the first parental unit meeting. It seemed to go well though. His dad asked me a lot of hard questions, and Obi-Wan told him about Gabby with me there, and it was all just really weird, and I was freaking out about dumb stuff like will his dad like me? Is his dad going to tell him that I'm no good for him? Or it even seemed like his dad might tell him that he's a bad influence on me. Needless to say it was nerve-wracking. We were suppose to go to a party in San Marcos to kick off Obi-Wan's birthday, which was the next day, July 4. Didn't happen though, and we ended up at the usual place, with the usual crowd playing darts, which was fun. The next day, Sunday, was also events planned around Obi-Wan's birthday.
Tubing day - We had so much fun tubing last week, that it was decided we would do it again for Obi-Wan's birthday even though we knew, as Obi-Wan said, that the river would be "like a fat man's artery". And it was . . . absolutely packed. Obi-Wan was having such a great time, but I really wasn't. There were too many people in our group this time. Instead of being 8 people, we were 15 all together including Spiderman, his girlfriend, Alice in Wonderland, and a guy named Bull. Baby Spidey came, too. Obi-Wan threw out all rules of the Force and began his all day quest to be drunk. I was pretty much miserable. Mi-Mi always makes things better, and makes me laugh, but there were just too many of us, and Obi-Wan was being a side of himself that I hadn't seen yet. The second time we went downt he river we came upon the second tube-shoot, and there were police everywhere. They were yelling and directing us down the tube0-shoot instead of going down the waterfall because they thought they had a body! Can you believe they actually told us this? Velma and I went down the tube-shoot absolutely mortified, and we couldn't find anyone else, until Ace grabbed us and reigned us to pull over to the side. It turned out that the missing person was just up river having a picnic withh some people, but for me the day was pretty much shot after all my thoughts of going down the tube-shoot and running into a dead body, which might have been a child's. Later on down the river, Alice in Wonderland created a tearful confrontation with Obi-Wan which didn't make things better. Spiderman tried to fight with two really large dudes over a football, and Jason and Bull started a yelling fest with some very large women as well. After our second trip down the river, I had to pull a drunken Obi-Wan out of the water and up the stairs. I don't know if it was because I was pretty sober, but I was a little annoyed at this point. It didn't help either that I had been stewing all day about an ex-girlfriend of Obi-Wan's hugging him and feeling him all up the night before.
After-Tubing Party - Spiderman had a party and Bar-B-Que planned out for Obi-Wan at his house. I dropped him and Velma off and went home to shower off the river. I got back, and I was still very annoyed with the drunken Obi-Wan. The pure bliss I had been feeling about him seemed to be dissapating pretty quickly. I hung out with him, Velma, and Mi-Mi, and then people from his work, who are about ten years younger than me, and part of the back-stabbing crew I had been warned about started to show up, and the people from the older crowd (Mi-Mi and Mr. Incredible) started to leave. I wanted to leave really bad as well, but it was Obi-Wan's birthday and I didn't want to ruin it. It was also the last night that we would be able to spend together for the next two weeks. Needless to say I was getting more pissed off by the minute. I was sitting in some high school backyard party with my boyfriend acting as young and immature as the rest of the young and immature people. And the thing that got me the most is that he knew I was unhappy and just kind of ignored it, or at least acted ignorant to the fact of why I was mad. Velma wanted to go home, so I said I would take her because I just had to get the hell out of there FAST! I came back to pick up Obi-Wan and for the rest of the night he told me how wonderful his birthday was, how it was the best he had ever had, and most of it was due to me being there.
Thoughts on Obi-Wan - How could I tell him how miserable I was after he told me for the rest of the night (until he passed out cold) how much he loves me and that it was the best birthday ever? I'm not sure what it is that I'm feeling right now. I'm still madly in love with this guy, but seeing a different side of him has made me have my first thoughts of doubt, and my realization that drinking might be a problem for him isn't helping. The AOC being home isn't helping either. My thoughts right now are is love enough to make something work? Because if I think about it too much I'm thinking that Obi-Wan feels really good, and it's instant gratification, and it's new, and it makes me have feelings I've never had before, but so does the AOC. It's just different because we haven't met, and he's not instant gratification. Should I be thinking more long term? More about what's best for me than what feels good? When Obi-Wan and I woke up yesterday morning things were so good! It was back to laughing our asses off and having a great time together, but I really think I have to say something about the way I'm feeling about this. I'm so confused and I hate that. And even though I may be having doubts, the thought of leaving Obi-Wan and flying to see the AOC makes me sick, but so does the thought of never having closure with the AOC, and just letting it pass me by. I have had a churning stomach and a knot in my throat for the last two days, and I'm not so sure that part of it is I'm getting to the point where I've let my walls down with Obi-Wan way more than I'm used to, and now I'm panicking and scared of being hurt, or making the wrong decision . . .
Wasted Weekend - Friday night I hooked up with Mi-Mi and some friends from school. We went and had a few beers while we waited for Obi-One and Mr. Incredible to get off work. We eventually ended up meeting them at the Karaoke place along with Velma and Princess Fiona. Afterwards we went back to Obi-Wan and Velma's apartment . . . and pretty much just passed out. Saturday morning I spent with Obi-Wan, and then took him to work. I met up with Mi-Mi to have lunch and go get Obi-Wan's birthday present. He's really into playing darts, so I suggested to Mi-Mi that I should get him a new dart case and some new flights. She agreed, and went with me to pick it out. We also had the best lunch ever - fried pickles, ranch, country fried steak, corn on the cob, butter, and Fanta Red. It was to die for! Saturday night we went out again . . . just Obi-Wan, Mi-Mi and Princess Fiona, who is really sweet, and I like her a lot. We proceeded to become as wasted as possible (again), and play darts - well, I don't play darts . . . I just watch and give Obi-Wan good-luck kisses. After we got back to Obi-Wan's apartment, we had our first kind of argument out in the car. I'm not sure it counts though if you're really drunk. It ended up being about ex's, which I've decided is a subject that should just be steered clear of, or at least certain directions of that conversation should be rewound and erased. I also ended up telling him a little about the AOC. When we walked up to the apartment we were greeted by Velma, Jack Sparrow, Angelica, and Lilo. I had been warned about some of the younger people from Obi-Wan's job that are very much back-stabbers, gossips, and drama queens, and I didn't like all the little nasty looks I got. I could see it in everyone's eye "So, this is J.C.'s girlfriend." And I'm not sure if it was in a good way or not.
Two-day Birthday - Obi-Wan had Sunday off, and we were schedule to have dinner with his dad and stepmom for his birthday *panic panic*. But first in the morning, Obi-Wan had to babysit for Ace Ventura. It was the first time that he had ever babysat a child, or had to interact that closely with one. He earned so many brownie points with me! He was awesome, and really really good with Baby-Spiderman (I was told that Ace didn't have a babysitter one night, so his boss allowed his son to go to work with him, and dress up in a Spiderman costume, and run around torturing the customers). After Ace came home, we got ready and went to dinner. We got there first and the minute his parents arrived and started talking to me, I broke out in a sweat, and was shaking to death. I was so nervous about the first parental unit meeting. It seemed to go well though. His dad asked me a lot of hard questions, and Obi-Wan told him about Gabby with me there, and it was all just really weird, and I was freaking out about dumb stuff like will his dad like me? Is his dad going to tell him that I'm no good for him? Or it even seemed like his dad might tell him that he's a bad influence on me. Needless to say it was nerve-wracking. We were suppose to go to a party in San Marcos to kick off Obi-Wan's birthday, which was the next day, July 4. Didn't happen though, and we ended up at the usual place, with the usual crowd playing darts, which was fun. The next day, Sunday, was also events planned around Obi-Wan's birthday.
Tubing day - We had so much fun tubing last week, that it was decided we would do it again for Obi-Wan's birthday even though we knew, as Obi-Wan said, that the river would be "like a fat man's artery". And it was . . . absolutely packed. Obi-Wan was having such a great time, but I really wasn't. There were too many people in our group this time. Instead of being 8 people, we were 15 all together including Spiderman, his girlfriend, Alice in Wonderland, and a guy named Bull. Baby Spidey came, too. Obi-Wan threw out all rules of the Force and began his all day quest to be drunk. I was pretty much miserable. Mi-Mi always makes things better, and makes me laugh, but there were just too many of us, and Obi-Wan was being a side of himself that I hadn't seen yet. The second time we went downt he river we came upon the second tube-shoot, and there were police everywhere. They were yelling and directing us down the tube0-shoot instead of going down the waterfall because they thought they had a body! Can you believe they actually told us this? Velma and I went down the tube-shoot absolutely mortified, and we couldn't find anyone else, until Ace grabbed us and reigned us to pull over to the side. It turned out that the missing person was just up river having a picnic withh some people, but for me the day was pretty much shot after all my thoughts of going down the tube-shoot and running into a dead body, which might have been a child's. Later on down the river, Alice in Wonderland created a tearful confrontation with Obi-Wan which didn't make things better. Spiderman tried to fight with two really large dudes over a football, and Jason and Bull started a yelling fest with some very large women as well. After our second trip down the river, I had to pull a drunken Obi-Wan out of the water and up the stairs. I don't know if it was because I was pretty sober, but I was a little annoyed at this point. It didn't help either that I had been stewing all day about an ex-girlfriend of Obi-Wan's hugging him and feeling him all up the night before.
After-Tubing Party - Spiderman had a party and Bar-B-Que planned out for Obi-Wan at his house. I dropped him and Velma off and went home to shower off the river. I got back, and I was still very annoyed with the drunken Obi-Wan. The pure bliss I had been feeling about him seemed to be dissapating pretty quickly. I hung out with him, Velma, and Mi-Mi, and then people from his work, who are about ten years younger than me, and part of the back-stabbing crew I had been warned about started to show up, and the people from the older crowd (Mi-Mi and Mr. Incredible) started to leave. I wanted to leave really bad as well, but it was Obi-Wan's birthday and I didn't want to ruin it. It was also the last night that we would be able to spend together for the next two weeks. Needless to say I was getting more pissed off by the minute. I was sitting in some high school backyard party with my boyfriend acting as young and immature as the rest of the young and immature people. And the thing that got me the most is that he knew I was unhappy and just kind of ignored it, or at least acted ignorant to the fact of why I was mad. Velma wanted to go home, so I said I would take her because I just had to get the hell out of there FAST! I came back to pick up Obi-Wan and for the rest of the night he told me how wonderful his birthday was, how it was the best he had ever had, and most of it was due to me being there.
Thoughts on Obi-Wan - How could I tell him how miserable I was after he told me for the rest of the night (until he passed out cold) how much he loves me and that it was the best birthday ever? I'm not sure what it is that I'm feeling right now. I'm still madly in love with this guy, but seeing a different side of him has made me have my first thoughts of doubt, and my realization that drinking might be a problem for him isn't helping. The AOC being home isn't helping either. My thoughts right now are is love enough to make something work? Because if I think about it too much I'm thinking that Obi-Wan feels really good, and it's instant gratification, and it's new, and it makes me have feelings I've never had before, but so does the AOC. It's just different because we haven't met, and he's not instant gratification. Should I be thinking more long term? More about what's best for me than what feels good? When Obi-Wan and I woke up yesterday morning things were so good! It was back to laughing our asses off and having a great time together, but I really think I have to say something about the way I'm feeling about this. I'm so confused and I hate that. And even though I may be having doubts, the thought of leaving Obi-Wan and flying to see the AOC makes me sick, but so does the thought of never having closure with the AOC, and just letting it pass me by. I have had a churning stomach and a knot in my throat for the last two days, and I'm not so sure that part of it is I'm getting to the point where I've let my walls down with Obi-Wan way more than I'm used to, and now I'm panicking and scared of being hurt, or making the wrong decision . . .
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K - I'm not really sidetracked, just confused, but really not so much, I don't know!!! Ahhh!! I love Obi-Wan to death. I couldn't have found a more perfect person...it's just some of the "life" issues that are making me think too much. Like security, stability, etc.