Dysfunction Suits Me

Last night J.C. and I had our first real fight, complete with yelling. We've had "words" before, but that was more like "discussing". Last night was a real disagreement, and when we hung up the phone last night it still wasn't fixed. We talked this morning though, and hung out all day, but something still feels worng in the pit of my stomach.

My last post was triggered by my interaction with Gabby's dad when I picked her up yesterday. He has this way of making me feel so guilty, low, unworthy of anything, a horrible mother, and anything else bad you can think of. I called J.C. the minute I left his house, but he was working and I couldn't talk to him. Later I kind of thought that maybe it was something I should'nt really discuss with J.C. because it was all about my "EX", but when we finally did talk, he made me feel so much better. It's really nice to finally have someone in my life that I can actually "talk" to, and they get me, and there's no arguing, or feelings that the other person has some kind of hidden agenda. He's not keeping everything I say or do locked in his mind so that he can use it later on. He truly does just simply love me, and wants to be part of everything, good or bad, in my life. I can't even begin to explain how good that feels. And regarding a comment ...

15 - I met Gabby's dad. I was 15-years old, extremely emotional, my head was half shaved, I wore Doc Marten's everyday, I pouted all the time, dripped mascara all over Jessica's shirts, fought with my mom non-stop, and picked this man because he was weird different, and I knew my parent's would hate him (of course I didn't consciously think that then). I was with Gabby's dad for almost 8 years. It was 8 long years of torture. And I can explain why I started seeing him in the first place, but I can't explain why I stayed with him for so long, or why I had a child with him so late into our relationship. I mean that I actually chose to have a child with him after we had been together for 6 years, and I knew that he was what he was . . . still is. Being with somone between the ages of 15 and 22 affected who I am today much more than I want. He still has this angering power and control over my emotions . . . not in an "I'm missing him" way, but in ...

This is the first summer I have taken off in four years from school. Not that I'm usually that busy in the summers anyway. I usually only take one class per summer semester, and of course, I don't work in the summer. That's not actually enough to keep a girl too busy either. For some reason, though, I'm not finding enough hours in the day to fit everything in that I need to do! I'm pretty sure that being lazy and having a new boyfriend isn't helping, but I can't seem to get my laundry and everything else done! Not working also means no income, so, the hard times (which I'm kind of used to) are upon me again. Obi-Wan and I are also experiencing our first little bouts of "hard times". Our lifestyles are so very different, and it's been hard adjusting - for both of us. I've been talking a lot lately about my future plans - other people's future plans . . . cuz that's what you do when you're a student . . . discuss . . . I'v...

Mi-Mi, J.C. (Obi-Wan), and I spent the day by the pool on Monday. Mi-Mi bought a boat that she's planning on using when we go tubing, but first we had to try it out. This picture is J.C. running and jumping onto the newly invented "SpeedRacer". We hung for hours until it started to rain. Then we had fun holding towels up to our faces and making "mean eyes" . . . as you probably can tell it wasn't really fun . . . just boredom taking over. Things have been going well. I've waited too long to post to remember everything fun that has happened. So, this will be a quick little update. I've been out way too much and drinking way too much, and probably having too much fun . . . if that's possible. I think I fall more in love with J.C. everyday that I spend with him. The word "forever" has come up a few times. I have 3 weeks left of "summer" before I have to go back to work and school. I'm actually a little excited about my last ...

. . . you remove your finger from the mouse and it makes a suction cup noise.

Mi-Mi told me the funniest story last week about how she was on vacation and really had to fart, but was being polite so she held it in for a couple of days, and ended up having to go to the doctor because she was in horrendous pain. The doctor asked her if she had been holding in farts, she said yes, and the doctor said, "Don't you do it! Don't you ever hold in your gas!" So now you know, folks, whenever you have to let one fly you can say it's doctor's orders!

Thursday night was the night that I took Gabby to Obi-Wan's restaurant so they could meet each other. It was also the first night that I would be seeing him in his full Star Wars regalia. Gabby, Velma, Mi-Mi, and I got to the restaurant and were completely catered to. Obi-Wan and Gabby warmed right up to each other. He had her laughing, and my daughter was completely flirting with my boyfriend. Up to this point though she didn't know he was my boyfriend. Every character in the restaurant came by to say hello to Gabby and me. It was very nice (and the fried shrimp with lemon butter was DELICIOUS...thank you, baby!). The balloon lady wouldn't even let us tip her because Gabby was the daughter of Obi-Wan's girlfriend. It was so much fun. Even Mi-Mi who can be bored easily seemed to be having a blast. After we left, Obi-Wan said that everyone said really nice things about both Gabby and me. On Saturday, Obi-Wan came over and went swimming with Gabby and me. It was unbelieva...

This face always makes me laugh.

So, it was a year ago yesterday that I started this damn thing. Jessie, who has been my best friend since we were 15, started one, and I thought I would give it a whirl, too. It started as something I wasn't sure about, and then quickly turned into something I couldn't live without. I became obsessed. Then for a while I it became something that I felt like I HAD to do. Now, I'm so happy, and things are going so well, and this has become something I want to do, to vent, to self express, to cope, and to register all the memories I have in the making. I've decided to do a kind of Top Ten favorite blog posts for my anniversary. Jessie did the same thing, and I thought, "How appropiate that I should steal her idea since I started this thing by stealing her idea as well, and many a post I have been a tricksy blog thief." 1. Beyond My Current Life - this was my very first tantrum ridden post. There were many more to come, but this was the first time I let it all han...

I just realized that today is my one-year blog anniversary. I'll have to think of something I want to do special for it . . . that really sounds cheesy, but I'll post something tomorrow about it anyway! So there!

I'm going to have dinner at Obi-Wan's restaurant with Mi-Mi, Velma, and Gabby. I'm so nervous about the reality of me having a child being right up there in front once Obi-Wan actually meets Gabby, but it's so important. I turned 28 on June 26th, and I've had some interesting thoughts about it . . . At first I thought I would be devestated about getting older, but really it's not so bad. Good things about turning 28: 1. When Ace Ventura makes a comment about the TV show Mr. Belvedere, I know what he's talking about, and my 23-year old boyfriend doesn't. 2. 28 is closer to 30, and so, I feel like more of an adult, and being around younger people makes me feel annoyed and superior, instead of jealous. 3. I know that little things still matter, but at 28 it's clearer that realizing the bigger picture is more important. 4. It's just a much cooler number than 27 or 29. 5. Health becomes more about health, and not so much about comparing myself to othe...

Guess who's back? - On Friday morning I hopped online to find that the AOC was available on IM. I was shocked, and not sure what to do. He had written me an email to let me know he would be home, but I just didn't think about it too much. For the rest of the weekend we played phone tag, and had one IM conversation where things seemed to be back to "normal", except that there was no mention of Obi-Wan. Friday night and Saturday morning alone he left me four different messages trying to reach me. Yesterday we had our first conversation. I'm not sure if he was serious, but he kind of offered me a "job" for the summer. He asked if I would like to go where he lives and hang out while I helped him with his work for the rest of July. I can't believe that I am kind of considering it. More to come on this subject at some point in the rest of this post . . . Wasted Weekend - Friday night I hooked up with Mi-Mi and some friends from school. We went and had a ...

Wednesday was toobing day (Wednesday has also been dubbed J.C. Winsday). I was so completely terrified. I really wasn't looking forward to it at all. I would have to wear a bathing suit, my feet would have to touch algae, a fish might swim up my butt, I didn't want to fall out of my tube going down a shoot and make an ass of myself in front of Obi-Wan, and I just wasn't looking forward to touching anything yucky. But . . . I love my boyfriend, and he is very "country" and loves doing this kind of stuff, so I decided I would suck it up and go. Well, kind of. I told Obi-Wan that I would whine all the way there, and then I would stop. It seemed to take forever, but eventually everyone (Obi-Wan, me, Mr. Incredible, Ace Ventura, Mi-Mi, Mikey - the short, cute, high guy, and Jason the amateur wrestler/truck driver) all rounded up in the Wal-Mart parking lot. We went in to pee, get beer, and worship at the Koozie Mecca. Mikey, Ace, and Jason actually met us at the Wal-Ma...