Memories
So, I've been reading this blog that all my 'inter-circle' of 'e-friends' has mentioned, Dooce. And I can't believe how much I laugh and...OMG...I cried today. When she talks about all the events that she goes through with her daughter I am reminded about how long ago that was for me...and when you're in the moments of screaming kids and being a woman you never thought you'd be (talking in silly voices, making faces, cleaning up spit-up, spitting on your own thumb to wipe off messes, cleaning up poop, etc, etc, etc), you scream, you stress, you cry, you occassionally laugh, mostly out of insanity...and now...looking in on someone else going through it...I think I wish I could have enjoyed it...it seems so sweet and so comforting...and so natural...and so long long long ago for me. I couldnt' believe I was crying today!!! The most recent post was funny...not sad...but it made me very emotional for some reason...and missing that feeling when everyday was a complete adventure, and I was actually bonded with my daughter. Now...we're almost like roommates...I was such a good mommy for the first couple of years of her life...and now I find it hard to enjoy it...I think I would rather have a screaming, uncontrollable, non-sleeping, food-throwing baby than this six-year old who talks back, doesn't know what no means, but not in the two-year old way where you can at least distract...it's the "I don't care if you say no, I'm doing it anyways, and I don't care if you take away the TV!" Do I sound like a horrible mother actually saying this out loud? I'm not so sure I was meant to be a mother. My own mother always told my sister and me that she really, really loved us until we were 6 and then not again until we were 18. She was half joking of course...ummm...at least I hope so.
So, I've been reading this blog that all my 'inter-circle' of 'e-friends' has mentioned, Dooce. And I can't believe how much I laugh and...OMG...I cried today. When she talks about all the events that she goes through with her daughter I am reminded about how long ago that was for me...and when you're in the moments of screaming kids and being a woman you never thought you'd be (talking in silly voices, making faces, cleaning up spit-up, spitting on your own thumb to wipe off messes, cleaning up poop, etc, etc, etc), you scream, you stress, you cry, you occassionally laugh, mostly out of insanity...and now...looking in on someone else going through it...I think I wish I could have enjoyed it...it seems so sweet and so comforting...and so natural...and so long long long ago for me. I couldnt' believe I was crying today!!! The most recent post was funny...not sad...but it made me very emotional for some reason...and missing that feeling when everyday was a complete adventure, and I was actually bonded with my daughter. Now...we're almost like roommates...I was such a good mommy for the first couple of years of her life...and now I find it hard to enjoy it...I think I would rather have a screaming, uncontrollable, non-sleeping, food-throwing baby than this six-year old who talks back, doesn't know what no means, but not in the two-year old way where you can at least distract...it's the "I don't care if you say no, I'm doing it anyways, and I don't care if you take away the TV!" Do I sound like a horrible mother actually saying this out loud? I'm not so sure I was meant to be a mother. My own mother always told my sister and me that she really, really loved us until we were 6 and then not again until we were 18. She was half joking of course...ummm...at least I hope so.
Comments
I'm so addicted to DOOCE too!
This lady (LINK) is going through the "baby" phase ... I love how she has all these books and they chart the "fussy phases of a baby's first year. Why don't they make one of those for the entire lifehood.
Oh, my mom and I got along great until I was 18 ... then I was a total bitch to her for about 13 years, now we're really close again.