Dysfunction Suits Me

I'm going to see Twilight with my work crush tomorrow.

...I don't really want to get my hopes up...buuuutt...I've had this little crush for the last 1 1/2 years that has never really been a possiblity of something even remotely happening there. However, there have been some recent developments...like this crush's relationship ending...there's still another obstacle...we work together...but, last night...we emailed back and forth for 4 hours. What does this mean????

I've been struggling lately with what a friendship really means. I came across this article that I thought was really interesting (too long to copy and paste). I don't know how I've become an "Echo" in some of my more recent friendships. I'm certainly not an "Echo" with my family or with any guy I've ever dated. I don't know why I've allowed myself to become one. It's not me. http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/friends/pkgletsgettogether/ss_omag_200804_mbeck/1

I've been on a path of thinking negatively again. I constantly think about what I DON'T want versus what I do. And, I constantly think about the things I CAN'T do anymore, or shouldn't, instead of what I can or should. 1. I want to be strong and healthy. Physically. 2. I want to travel. 3. I want to continue to excel in this career I never thought I would have, but somehow am pretty good at. 4. I want to one day complete my dream of being a personal trainer...even if it's just on the weekends...even if it's just being certified. 5. I want to meet new people, and develop meaningful relationships. 6. I want to go back to when Gabby was home every other weekend...instead of not being here any weekend. 7. I want to come home every other Friday, fix my daughter and me dinner. Watch a movie together and spend time with our kitties. 8. I want to pursue my brand of happiness. 9. I want to learn to speak Russian. 10. I want to go back to reading before bed instead of wat...

The Namesake Smart People Sex and the City Under the Same Moon Then She Found Me Made of Honor Forgetting Sarah Marshall They are all really, really good. All of them made me laugh AND cry.

I started out the day looking for a colorful cocktail dress. After going to 4 stores, I hoping to find a colorful t-shirt at the very least. I wish I was a man!

I did something scary tonight. I let Gabby go off and do something alone. Tonight is Family Fun Night at her school. I hate going. She wanted to walk there with her friend. So, I compromised. I dropped her off, and I am picking her up promptly at 7pm. This is kind of her first "outing" alone, without adult supervision. I mean there will be adults there, but it's not the same. Scary, scary, scary...and somewhat relieving...if she follows the rules.

Does anyone else even read this anymore? Hmmm...oh, well. I finally have my computer back! Woo Hoo! Playing picture catch up for now. My USB ports finally work, so I can finally download pics off my cam.

Russell and Dre Me and Dre Chell, Tybor, and Russell Tybor, Kelly, Dre, and Matt playing with Kelly's walking sticks. Kelly and Kevin Colton and Dre Ty and Me Ty and Chell Dre and Kelly Dre and some girl I don't know

Gabby, Andrea, and I go hiking. Level 4 Trail, baby...and we nearly died, but made it we did!

They keep me up all night. They make me feed them. They make me clean up after them. They leave trails of socks everywhere. But, still, I love them.

I don't like to blog from work, but until next Friday, this is the only computer I have access to. Yes, you heard me correctly...next Friday my computer will be home, up, and running. I can't wait. I was ok without it for a couple of weeks, but now I'm dying! I need some internet interaction...desperately! My USB ports are supposedly working now, so I'll be able to use my digital camera to its fullest now as well! Yay! I have nothing to do! I'm out of work, and bored! And...I really have nothing to say. I added a new link on the sidebar to become a "follower" of this blog...you should! LOL! Check ya later!

Computer has a virus. Finally got over to my parent's house today. Hopefully my dad will have it up and running...with USB ports working and new video card as well within a couple of weeks! Not a lot going on. Still have a very sore neck from car accident. Still working on project at work. Feeling very anxious and not so great a lot of the times. Time to get back on medication. Gabby's great and big. Going to Jess' in December. Going on a Pub Crawl this weekend from 3pm to 12am. Wish me luck!

This first one scares me. That's right where I was sitting. I just keep thinking, "What if it had been an SUV or a big ass Texas truck??"

Over a week ago I thought I would have spent this past weekend hanging out and getting to know some great new guy and going to see my friend Andy's band play on Saturday. Well, the great guy was not so great, I did see about 30 minutes of Andy's show, and I was in a pretty ugly car accident with Andrea. We're both okay. Meaning I guess that we're alive and nothing is broken or bleeding. But we're pretty bumped and bruised. We were on our way to Andy's show. Neither one of us was really feeling it. We went out Thursday and Friday night, spent Saturday evening at the pool, the band was playing at a bar that is hated by most people, and were just in a state of exhaustion. But, Andy's a friend, so we got dressed, and headed out. We were running late...as usual. We took Andrea's PT Cruiser. She pulled up to an ATM backwards for me to get cash. When I leaned out the window the seatbelt tightened up on me and I cursed it. Then we headed downtown. On...

I went out Friday night, and....I met someone. We really, really hit it off. I think some of you who know me really well would be shocked at how good looking he is. His name is Paul, he's 29, and he's only been in San Antonio for about a week. Anyway, we talked all night, I drank a little too much, and so did he, so the night didn't actually end that well because there was an argument between him and Andrea. I thought he was a little rude, and also maybe he would be scared off. But we were texting last night, and we're going to meet up next Friday. I really do think he should apologize to Andrea first though. Although, I'm so green with this dating thing...I almost think that's too much to ask when you're getting to know someone. I don't know, you tell me. Saturday I pretty much did nothing but recover. And then Sunday, Andrea, Gabby, and I went hiking. We did a Level 4 out of 5 trail for an hour and a half. I'm not sure how many miles it...

How does she know? I don't know, but she just does. Well, she doesn't really. I don't think it's a concious thing at all, but somehow, I believe, something clicks in her brain. I'm taking about my best friend of 15 year, Jess. I'm down a lot of days, and sometimes I have days where severe depression kicks in. I'm tryng to live with this "disease". Trying to find all different kinds of ways of dealing with it, but sometimes I crash. Lately, Jess and I haven't been talking 3 or 4 times a week on the phone. She just bought a house and is fixing it up with E, and I've been busy with work and friends and stuff. But, on those days when I'm so low I don't know what to do...there she is, calling me. Talking...laughing...making plans. She has to know. On some weird telepathic level. If I haven't spoken to her on the phone in 2 weeks (we still email), how would she know to call specifically on this night...when I was having a s...