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What do I want?

I've been on a path of thinking negatively again. I constantly think about what I DON'T want versus what I do. And, I constantly think about the things I CAN'T do anymore, or shouldn't, instead of what I can or should.

1. I want to be strong and healthy. Physically.

2. I want to travel.

3. I want to continue to excel in this career I never thought I would have, but somehow am pretty good at.

4. I want to one day complete my dream of being a personal trainer...even if it's just on the weekends...even if it's just being certified.

5. I want to meet new people, and develop meaningful relationships.

6. I want to go back to when Gabby was home every other weekend...instead of not being here any weekend.

7. I want to come home every other Friday, fix my daughter and me dinner. Watch a movie together and spend time with our kitties.

8. I want to pursue my brand of happiness.

9. I want to learn to speak Russian.

10. I want to go back to reading before bed instead of watching TV.

11. I want to find one person to enjoy the rest of my life with.

12. I want to have a nice clean car and apartment.

13. I want to own a home with my family.

14. I want to be closer to my parent's and my sister.

15. I want to have Sunday breakfasts and shopping with my sister.

16. I want to go out and have fun. Not bordom.

17. I want to be a good friend and be there for people. After I've made sure I'm a good friend to myself.

18. I want to be who I am ALL the time. Not hold back. And, not act out in ways I wouldn't normally.

19. I want to be completely self sufficient.

20. I want to continue to believe that not everything is black and white. There is color to the world, and everything and everyone has their nuances.

Knowing what I want is the beginning. And now, doing things to get those things is what I have to concentrate on. Not concentrate on things I can't do. Because I can still do whatever I want, as long as I'm still doing the other things that get me my ultimate goals. No more pissing around. Wasting my life. It's not who I am. It's not the way I was raised. It's never made me happy. I know exactly what makes me happy, so why I continue doing things that don't is beyond me. No over night changes of course. I know better than to think things happen fast and perfectly. I know what hard work is, and I know that people slip up. I know that even with life altering events that make you question your life, you won't change them the very next day. Sometimes you can, but it's hard to break habits. It's a lifetime pursuit. I've never taken the easy route...never wanted to until recently. I almost purposely take the hard road. The lessons you learn are so much more beneficial, and the rewards feel better.

I watched a really disturbing movie today. Karla. Creepy serial killers in the form of "Barbie and Ken". Based on a true story.

Comments

The Blonde Hurricane said…
I think the first step is the list you came up with! Awesome! YOU are in charge of your life, so keep up the positive thoughts! Sending you a hug!
4:56 PM
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