Skip to main content

Stuck Like Chuck

 Sixteen pounds gained after hiring a personal trainer many months ago.  I work out with the trainer twice a week. I walk/hike twice a week.  Gained sixteen pounds.  My eating habits have gotten worse.  My cortisol levels from stress are probably astronomical.  Cortisol is not a friend of weight loss.  Emotional, binge eating is my friend.  A friend that I don't want.  The kind of friend you hang out with because you don't have anything else to do and you're so incredibly lonely you feel like you'll die without some kind of contact.  

This morning, a calendar reminder came up on my phone.  A reminder that just said "Babe's".  Took me a minute to remember that I actually set a calendar reminder to order Babe's Old Fashioned Hamburgers for lunch today, because even last night in my food drunk stupor, I wanted more food.  I SCHEDULED A CRAVING!  I didn't even remember doing it when the reminder came up!  This is bad.  Very, very bad. 

Stuck.  Can't get out.  Can't get out of my own head.  Can't stop rebelling against myself.  I can't.  I really can't.  I don't know how anymore.  I feel out of control of one of the only things I actually have control of. 

I have begged for will power and motivation my whole life.  At 45, I realize that discipline is the key. Discipline, consistency, and routine.  Now how do I find motivation to be disciplined?  And, what am I going to order for lunch at Babe's?  

Wah, Wah

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Am I Going To Die? I just got stung for the first time ever by a wasp . . . So far so good . . . I can still breathe, I haven't swelled up like a balloon, yet . . . But it hurts and itches like crazy!!! It's almost the end of the semester and I am completely swamped! Two projects, two papers, and three finals, all in the next 3 weeks . . . Somehow I'll handle it. I've actually all of sudden "woken up" where school is concerned. I've been in such a daze for like the last 7 or 8 months. The AOC has changed my life as I knew it . . . in good and bad ways!!! Bad because he takes up too much of my thoughts . . . and I need all the brain capacity that I can get!!! Somehow, after years of barely even talking to anyone at work, and only a couple of years of actually being a little more friendly with my co-workers, I seem to have been sucked up in "office politics" and I HATE it! I used to really like going to work . . . now I just want to quit!! It still...
6 comments
Read more

DIY Faux Brick Wall with German Schmear

Written February 14, 2021, when I tried to start a  WordPress blog , but failed because I'm old and it's too complicated. My estranged (?), separated (?), I don't know what, husband, and I actually worked on this together.  I watched 1,000 YouTube videos and read another 1,000 posts on how to do this.  In the end, I took a little from here and a little from there. The faux brick paneling was bought from Home Depot.   We cut the seams with a Ryobi jigsaw , used liquid nails and a Ryobi nail gun to attach the panels, and used joint compound mixed with a bit of water for the schmear.  It's a perfectly, imperfect technique.  I practiced a little, but decided to just jump in and let the wall take on a life of it's own.  I will warn that the joint compound dries much whiter than you think it will.  Use sparingly if you want to see more brick. Once the wall was finished, I painted the other walls Sherwin Williams Perfect Greige .  Shelves and floor...
Post a Comment
Read more
Time to Share? I have a huge crush. I have a huge crush on a man I've never met in person. I have a huge crush on a man who does things that are very cool. Yesterday in the mail I got the book that he sent me...the book that he wrote...a book about all of his travels and adventures. The more I read this book, the less confident I start to feel about this being a possible "match". I have no idea what I can offer this older, more sophisticated, more worldly man. The biggest adventures in my life are grappling with 18-year old freshmen for a parking space at school, finishing a set of push-ups and pull-ups at the gym, or wrestling my daughter to the ground for a bath. Maybe I can teach him all about Sponge-Bob Square Pants? This is again one of those times where things seem too good to be true. The emails we send back and forth would suggest that there is a great interest and curiosity on both sides, and that something really good could possibly come from this!!! His ...
10 comments
Read more