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How exciiiiiting!!!

It's been a long time since I've been able to do this...sit here with a bagel and coffee, early in the morning, and just blog. Although, I think I may have forgotten how to do this. I no longer know what I should or shouldn't say in this forum. Ah, screw it...I've never censored myself before. I don't know why I've been doing it lately...so, I'll stop!

Friday and yesterday I worked out with Ray Ray the Saviour. I'm heading back to the gym here soon as well. It's so hard to get back into the routine that I used to have. It most definitely is a lifestyle change, and it affects the things you do on the weekends, and who you hang out with...and really...I really, really need to learn to say NO! So, Ray Ray keeps making me do this thing that I absolutely hate. It's called Jump-ups w/ a 5 second squat hold. Basically I have to jump up onto one of those step aerobic platform things, stay in a squat and hold it for 5 seconds. It sucks! It mostly sucks because it's some kind of weird mental thing with me...I'm AFRAID to jump onto that thing! So, on Friday, one of my fears came true. I jumped up, and my foot caught on the edge of the step, I almost went face forward onto the floor, but since Ray Ray is the Saviour, he saved me. And I didn't fall, but I made a really loud noise knocking the step over, and I felt really, really dumb. So, needless to say, when I had to do it again yesterday, I would stand there, hands on hips, just looking at this step, and trying to make my brain tell my feet that it was OK to jump. I did complete that set without falling, but I'm sure, just like with the stability ball, I will have many more incidences of clattering over the step and falling on my face.
I am finding these days that I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I know...wha, wha, wha...but it's true. I hung out with my family a lot this weekend, and I'm so much different from them...not in a good, bad, better, or worse way...just different...different sense of humor, different way of thinking, different way of life. They always say that they think I don't like them, but the truth is that I don't think they like me...and if I'm real honest I would have to say that subconciously that's why I probably don't hang out with them that much...I hate feeling like I'm a disappointment and like I'm being judged. And I am completely aware that a lot of that is probably just my paranoid head, but it's still there, nonetheless. I don't feel like I fit in with a lot of my friends either, and I really don't want to change myself just to feel like I do...ok, enough with the pity party!!!

I really could go on and on this morning, but I will spare you...until tomorrow, when I can do this again! YAY! I'm unemployed now, my seasonal job is over, so until I find my "career", I have lots of time!

Comments

Jacq said…
OMG!!! I LOVE STEP AEROBICS!!! Cardio is the best workout for me and seems to be the only thing that really works for me. I need to get back into it, because my body is turning into mush!!! TOTALLY!!!!! I'll be 36 next month, and I have to own up to the fact that I am not a skinny mini anymore!! I actually have to WORK AT having a decent looking body. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2:18 PM
Compulsive Lizzie said…
I wish it was just step aerobics, but it's all this weight stuff that he makes me do on the step aerobic step. I love weight lifting a lot more than cardio. Cardio kills me...smoker's lungs I guess.
9:13 AM
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