...with the movie Grey Gardens. You must watch, and then you should do a little background research on the internet. I can't stop. It's scary to me to think that really...this could happen to a lot of women I know...including me.
Work is so hectic. It has consumed my life. My every conversation with P-Dub. I'm crying all the time. My can't make myself have good posture. My shoulders are going to permanently be stuck up around my ears I'm so tense.
So, I have decided to go see a new therapist...actually instead of a therapist or a psychiatrist, I'm going to try seeing a psychologist. A really good friend of mine just found this amazing doctor, and I can't believe her diagnoses. She and I are so similar in the way we think, feel, etc...we handle things a little differently, but otherwise, very similar. So, her recent diagnoses was yes, she has minor depression, anxiety, and OCP issues, but the main cause is ADD. I sit in awe as she explains her visits with the doc. It's me. I talked with my mom a little, and she said that when I was in high school she had actually asked a few people about me having ADD. What? Could she have said something a little sooner??? I've always clung to this idea that I have depression...and in recent years severe anxiety, but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking its just not quite right. I'm not really depressed. But, I'm never really happy either. Mostly...I'm completely indifferent. I hate most people and most things...and maybe its because I get so damn bored soooooooo easily.
Anyway, I just like the idea that there's this doctor out there who wants to acutally give you tests...and talk with you...and get to the "bottom of things"...and not just throw you on medication to treat the symptoms...and actually try to get you on medication that fits your exact problem, and do some behavioral modifications as well. We'll see. Even if the outcome isn't ADD, I know that I have to find a better quality of life. Because really nothing makes me happy...but it's not like it makes me unhappy either...I'm just kind of "blah"..."whatever attitude"...all the time. And I never live here...in the present...it's always in the past for the future. Too many "what ifs".
I've gotten away from caring so much about going out all the time and being with a huge group of people. I've cut out being super social all the time. It was just too much and I couldn't deal. I have seriously met one of the most amazing men...ever. And it's so much fun trying to just live in the moment with him and date and get to know each other. I like him so much. He's such a good person. He makes me want to be a better person. I want to spend more time concentrating on my family...Gabby and me...on my extended family...my parents and sister...the friends that really matter to me...Andrea, Jessica, and Josh...and maybe a future family...I just get so sucked up into being what everyone wants all the time...and when I added in an extra group of people...it was killing me.
I put off calling this doctor for a few weeks...part of what would be symptoms of ADD, but finally made the call this week, and I'm seeing him on Wednesday. I'm wiping the slate clean, and starting over. I'm excited. Well, as excited as I'm able to be. :) I started fresh yesterday, too, by buying a new agenda book. I'm so disorganized and frazzled all the time. Not at work, though, that's the only place I am organized...another symptom of ADD as told to my friend by this doc. I can't focus, concentrate, or keep track of things, so I just have to realize that I'm not capable of that, and take steps to fix it, not keep making excuses of "that's just me".
I'm thinking about taking a drive up to Austin...hmmm...could I live there??? Go to True Romance? for a little more information...and a new pic of me and P-Dub.
Work is so hectic. It has consumed my life. My every conversation with P-Dub. I'm crying all the time. My can't make myself have good posture. My shoulders are going to permanently be stuck up around my ears I'm so tense.
So, I have decided to go see a new therapist...actually instead of a therapist or a psychiatrist, I'm going to try seeing a psychologist. A really good friend of mine just found this amazing doctor, and I can't believe her diagnoses. She and I are so similar in the way we think, feel, etc...we handle things a little differently, but otherwise, very similar. So, her recent diagnoses was yes, she has minor depression, anxiety, and OCP issues, but the main cause is ADD. I sit in awe as she explains her visits with the doc. It's me. I talked with my mom a little, and she said that when I was in high school she had actually asked a few people about me having ADD. What? Could she have said something a little sooner??? I've always clung to this idea that I have depression...and in recent years severe anxiety, but in the back of my mind I'm always thinking its just not quite right. I'm not really depressed. But, I'm never really happy either. Mostly...I'm completely indifferent. I hate most people and most things...and maybe its because I get so damn bored soooooooo easily.
Anyway, I just like the idea that there's this doctor out there who wants to acutally give you tests...and talk with you...and get to the "bottom of things"...and not just throw you on medication to treat the symptoms...and actually try to get you on medication that fits your exact problem, and do some behavioral modifications as well. We'll see. Even if the outcome isn't ADD, I know that I have to find a better quality of life. Because really nothing makes me happy...but it's not like it makes me unhappy either...I'm just kind of "blah"..."whatever attitude"...all the time. And I never live here...in the present...it's always in the past for the future. Too many "what ifs".
I've gotten away from caring so much about going out all the time and being with a huge group of people. I've cut out being super social all the time. It was just too much and I couldn't deal. I have seriously met one of the most amazing men...ever. And it's so much fun trying to just live in the moment with him and date and get to know each other. I like him so much. He's such a good person. He makes me want to be a better person. I want to spend more time concentrating on my family...Gabby and me...on my extended family...my parents and sister...the friends that really matter to me...Andrea, Jessica, and Josh...and maybe a future family...I just get so sucked up into being what everyone wants all the time...and when I added in an extra group of people...it was killing me.
I put off calling this doctor for a few weeks...part of what would be symptoms of ADD, but finally made the call this week, and I'm seeing him on Wednesday. I'm wiping the slate clean, and starting over. I'm excited. Well, as excited as I'm able to be. :) I started fresh yesterday, too, by buying a new agenda book. I'm so disorganized and frazzled all the time. Not at work, though, that's the only place I am organized...another symptom of ADD as told to my friend by this doc. I can't focus, concentrate, or keep track of things, so I just have to realize that I'm not capable of that, and take steps to fix it, not keep making excuses of "that's just me".
I'm thinking about taking a drive up to Austin...hmmm...could I live there??? Go to True Romance? for a little more information...and a new pic of me and P-Dub.
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