Dysfunction Suits Me

I have no idea why, but ever since my dad fixed my computer, my USB ports don't work. And that just sucks! For a couple of reason. One, when I moved into this apartment, I got a really cool new desk that has a USB hub on it, so you don't have to bend down, and get behind your computer and all that junk to plug something in. And I haven't been able to use it! Two, I can't download anything from my new camera...or my dad's digital camera! What's the point of having a digital camera??? So, I have a big decision. I can easily get my USB ports fixed. But that would require shutting down operations here, and taking my computer to my dad's. Which means...no more internet for me...for who knows how long. I did it once before for almost a year...but I've become slightly addicted now that I have high speed internet and not dial-up (which I had for 7 years!!! Can you believe it?). The plus...the USB ports will work...and I can download pictures and stuff...

I've been thinking alot about the way that certain people come into your life specifically for reasons. Usually I don't think that way. My friends are my friends and my family is my family and my aquaintances are my aquaintances. But maybe that's not really the way of it. Let's take Gabby for example. Before she was born, and then when she was a baby...I had these dreams of having a tom boy girl...a tough little thing. But she's not. Not at all. She can be very sensitive. She also has a big problem with hurrying up. EVERYTHING she does...she does as slow as possible. But maybe she is the way she is because I'm supposed to learn something. I think that I'm supposed to learn about the way that I was as a child. And I think she's definitely teaching me about patience, which is something that I DO NOT posess. I'm having to learn how to deal with a person that is so unlike me! I mean when I was little I was very much like her. But as I...

I can sit here, and sound really self-righteous sometimes...and very together...and the truth is that a lot of the time I'm just plain lonely and struggling. I've never thought that I was the kind of person that could spend my life without a relationship...even though I know I CAN, I'm not sure I want to...it's such a hard place that I'm in right now...past a lot of hurt...but still feeling quite tender a lot of the time. I guess sometimes it just takes longer to be completely over things. Boy, I'm rambling here. What's my point? I've kind of forgotten it.... I guess it's that I am starting to miss being in a relationship...but...I still really want to concentrate on me. And losing weight...my biggest struggle is number one on the list...I've got the depression and anxiety under control for the most part...I've got the career thing under way...I've been concentrating and putting a lot of energy into fixing what's on the inside.....

I had a "semi-date" the other night. It was more of a "friendly" get together. This friend of mine "J", went to school with me, and then moved away to get his Master's. Well, he's back in town. He'll be moving to Austin soon to get his doctorate's. We met up the other night to catch up, and grab a beer. Well...let me explain more...we've always had a little bit of a flirtation thing going on. We've been flirting back and forth through email for the last 2 years. So, at the end of the "date" he walked me to my car, and kissed me. And it was one of the best kisses I've ever had, only because it was really sweet, and a great end to a great time. And with that he said, "I'll call you tomorrow." So, he didn't call, but we did email back and forth all the next morning, and I thought things were pretty good. And, we had plans to go out downtown on New Year's Eve, which was also his birthday. ...

Let's hope this one is bigger and better for everyone! And here's to more blogging actually happening in 2008! I miss it! And I miss all of you out there! Also, Schwenk...I've got an email coming your way, as soon as I can sit down and write it without bawling my eyes out!!! This is what I'll be working on in 2008...I found this, and thought that it pretty much summed up what I want, where I want to go...how...why...etc. Cancer: Crabs live in the past more than other signs, and it affects the present, especially in relationships. In 2008, tally up your past hurts and let go ... for good.